31. I Did Nothing!

Everything from back then felt so unbelievable now. Perhaps that was a last frantic struggle before death. If that happened once again, even under perfect conditions, YiHan didn’t know whether he could actually kill those three again. He still remembered it all. That metal bar stained with fresh blood and brain juices. He clung on tight to it, even in death. In the end, he feinted and mimed an attack with it to make the police who entered after the whole debacle to shoot and kill him.

After his rebirth, he cut off all ties with those drinking buddies of his. His entire mind was hung up on his own family. Feng Qun had tried calling him several times, but he hung up as soon as he saw who they were from. He didn’t think he’d end up meeting Feng Qun here.

The moment YiHan saw this being, those unsavoury and vile memories screeched into his mind. Feng Qun’s blood-covered face which was still stuck on an apologetic, sly and dogbody-like smile. That evil smirk when he pushed YiHan to steal company secrets. The crazed laugh as he humiliated YiHan after the Bai family fell. His face twisting and turning when he destroyed YiHan’s hand in a frenzy. The lustful look as he held YiHan down and deed that thing to him. All those faces slowly melded into one with the smile coming right at him.

Blood rushed into YiHan’s eyes. His feet shuffled back, but the balcony was only that big. Before YiHan could even escape, Feng Qun was already on him. He took a hold of YiHan’s arm and gave him a bright, schmoozing smile, “Why haven’t you been hanging out with us lately? You never answered my calls either. We’ve not seen you for a long time.”

In that moment, YiHan couldn’t differentiate the current reality from the past. All he felt was that sticky and disgusting grip Feng Qun had on his arm. The scent of Feng Qun closing in on him made his skin crawl. A shrill scream roared out of his mouth. He frantically flailed the arm being grabbed, trying his best to run back to his family.

Feng Qun was stunned. Just what’s with this lucky idiot today? Has he gone mad?

YiHan was well and truly scared to the brink of breakdown. He didn’t even dare look at Feng Qun’s face. All his frantic mind thought was he wanted to be away from Feng Qun now. The other was petrified with shock as well and forgot to loosen his grip. Instead, he subconsciously tightened his hand around YiHan’s arm.

Everyone in the banquet was shocked by the shriek. One by one, they stopped their chatter and looked over. A lot happened in those few short moments. It all happened within the span of a single sentence. JingYuan had been watching YiHan from afar the entire time. The moment he saw YiHan’s reaction, he started striding over. He pulled the frightened YiHan into his arms. Upon seeing YiHan flailing his entrapped arm in a crazed fit, his face darkened and shifted. He looked as if he was going to eat someone up right then and there.

JingYuan’s arms clutched tight at YiHan, afraid that he might hurt himself in fear. His eyes bore into Feng Qun. Ice shards could be felt within his voice. “Well? Why aren’t you letting go?”

As if he’d just gotten stabbed through by JingYuan’s voice, the hair on Feng Qun’s body stood on end and a layer of cold sweat quickly covered his back. As those words rang out, Feng Qun hurriedly loosened his hands. He raised them both up next to his head and took a few steps backwards. “Mr Mu. I did nothing. I don’t know why he’s like this!” he explained.

YiHan finally stopped shrieking when his arm was let go. His emotions finally stabilised, but his hand still kept rubbing at the arm that was grabbed. It was as if he wanted to peel off the skin on it.

Mu JingYuan’s heart ached. His little prince. Those two hands were what he loved and took pride in the most. They had beautiful bone structures. Their fingers long and thin. They were one of the most perfect masterpieces the gods have ever created. He even learned to play the piano just because someone would also comment on what a waste such pretty hands didn’t play.

However, that tender, soft, frail and stunning right hand had been scratched to the point where it’s a bright blushing red. To JingYuan’s eyes, it seemed like blood would start spewing at any time.

Mu JingYuan hurriedly took hold of YiHan’s hand and stopped him from hurting himself anymore. JingYuan’s arms embraced YiHan, trapping YiHan into his arms. The rage in his heart was visibly flaring now. Just what did this bastard called Feng Qun do to his HanHan? Why did his little prince let out such a shriek?

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30. The Past

In order to pay back their bank debts, they had to sell off their mansion and all other family assets. The whole family moved into an ordinary apartment. One of the richest men became an average joe. The friends who once called themselves his bro left instantly. Feng Qun took off his disguised and revealed his true self. He stole all of YiHan’s tiny company’s money. Only then did YiHan know it was all a well-crafted set up and Feng Qun was the mastermind behind the Bai family downfall.

In rage and regret, YiHan had charged at Feng Qun in search of justice. All he ended up with were humiliation and laughter. He was even beaten up. He spiralled down into despair. He didn’t dare conceal the truth anymore. He confessed to his family what he’d done. They didn’t say anything, but he could tell they were disappointed in him.

After the Bai family’s fall, YiHan focused on trying to do something to right the wrongs he’d done. He tried his best to think up of ways to earn some cash so his brother could rise from the ashes. He didn’t dare spend a single cent more than he needed to. He saved up the meagre allowance his family gave and looked for work everywhere he could. However, he was a rich kid who wasn’t very active. He was a sickly child. His family was very lenient on him. He never even listened properly during classes. There was no way he could find a proper job. In the end, he only got a job as a pianist at a cafe he once frequented because he once learned piano on a whim. When Feng Qun knew of it, he would bring his friends and humiliate him nearly every single day. After everything, Bai YiHan was no longer that proud rich kid anymore. He learned to bite his tongue and bear with the shameful attitudes just so he could earn some money.

But Feng Qun wasn’t willing to let YiHan go just like that. Together with the bastards that were his friends, they drugged him and dragged him back into a hotel Feng Qun’s family owned. Then, they hired men to gang rape him. They took countless photos and videos of that incident, and spread them far and wide. YiHan’s reputation shattered.

When he finally woke up sober and realised what had happened, he almost broke down. Through all that pain, he only wished to be comforted by his family. But when he stumbled back into his home, all he saw were a floor full of indescribable photos and his family’s disappointed gaze. Due to the drug, no one could tell he was being raped in the photos. His family felt so very let down. He’d hidden the fact he was working from his family. They thought he was always gone from home because he was out playing. They were already disappointed enough by his carefree and ungrateful attitude. After looking at those photos and videos, all of that just turned to rage. The health of YiHan’s grandfather, who loved him more than anything, had turned bad ever since their family’s downfall. When he saw those things, he harshly slapped YiHan in the face. He was so furious that he collapsed out of rage. The doctors tried again and again to save him, but they still failed. YiHan’s grandfather passed away and the family descended into chaos. No one could be bothered to care about YiHan then. After personally witnessing his beloved grandfather dying because of him, YiHan’s fragile mind broke.

After the funeral, YiHan was too ashamed to go back home. Among all that fear, hate and confusion, YiHan went to his and JingYuan’s “secret base” from when they were kids. It was an abandoned warehouse. He curled up in the corner of the warehouse, trying to find the safety he once felt. If no one found him, he might have died there all alone. However, Feng Qun who’d been following him this entire time found him. That trash soon found two thugs and charged into the warehouse with them.

YiHan was a spoiled rich kid. He was still hurt and his body was still weak due to the incident a few days ago and his mental breakdown. He was no match for three big men. He was quickly overtaken and held down. His right leg was broken. They shattered his left hand and raped him once more. Everyone said even a rabbit would bite back if it’s backed into a corner. Being raped over and over again while sober? He went crazy. He used all his strength to grab a sharp steel bar with his perfect right hand and stabbed it through the head of the person on top of him. The others were petrified by the bloody scene before them. He gathered the last of his courage and struck out at the remaining two while they were still in shock. The other thug fell down dead. Feng Qun was frightened to death by him and scrambled to escape. But YiHan soon took him down and dragged him to the other two’s fate.

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29. Grudges From a Past Life

Upon seeing YiHan continued hiding from him, JingYuan’s gaze darkened and turned colder. He said a few congratulatory wishes to the old Mr Yan, coaxing a bright smile and laugh from him, before tactfully rejecting the old Mr Yan’s suggestion of pairing JingYuan up with his granddaughter. Only then did he excuse himself and walked over towards the Bai family.

Bai YiHan’s feet faltered and froze. He can’t run away. He has to get used to it one day, right? Everything in this lifetime was going well. It’s just JingYuan. He doesn’t like you anyway, so what’s there to sigh about? Don’t be so gluttonous. Greedy people will be punished one day. And he’d already experienced this punishment once. He absolutely did not want to go through it all again.

As JingYuan walked over, his eye bore right through him. Panic swelled inside him.

“Father, it’s a little stuffy in here. I’ll head out the balcony for some air,” YiHan smiled to FuRen.

“What is it? Are you sick? Do you need me to call the driver to send you home early?” FuRen replied with a worried look.

“It’s fine, Father. There’s no need. It just feels stuffy,” YiHan said as he forced himself to keep smiling.

“There are so many people in here. The air is a little hot. No wonder HanHan thinks it’s stuffy. Go, then. Get your brother to go with you,” Ma said.

“I’m fine. I can go alone,” YiHan insisted.

As he said so, he rushed away towards the sliding doors.

The tall sliding doors of the great hall were connected to a large balcony encased in glass. The night sky was calm and quiet, giving off a tranquil air. When YiHan arrived at the balcony, someone was already there. When the other heard footsteps coming from the doors, he turned around. The moment he saw it was YiHan, he instantly put on a surprised but happy smile and quickly walked over to greet YiHan.

And the moment YiHan saw the other’s face, he felt as if the world was crumbling around him. He instinctively wanted to turn and run away now!

This person was an infamous playboy in the city. Feng Qun was a second-generation rich kid. During YiHan’s last life, Feng Qun was an existence akin to his follower. After XueQing and JingYuan announced their engagement, YiHan’s temper became even more explosive than usual. He’d frequently get into fights over trivial matters when out of the house. This Feng Qun was a frequent victim of his fury and his head even bled once from YiHan’s punches. At that time, Feng Qun had just nodded and laughed it off. He said it was all okay, but he hated YiHan for it the entire time. Feng Qun would intentionally persuade him to head into unsavoury territories during YiHan’s bad moods. Once JingYuan found out what went on, he beat Feng Qun up and even broke two of his bones. Regretfully, YiHan didn’t realise just what kind of person Feng Qun was then. He just kept rebelling against JingYuan, and even fought with JingYuan over it. That incident caused JingYuan to be even more disappointed in YiHan.

Later on, JingYuan left the country. YiHan nearly had a breakdown. Feng Qun then told him a man must have his own career. Only then, would he not be looked down on. When YiHan heard that nonsense, he decided to start a company to make JingYuan look back at him. He got some money from his family and started up a company with Feng Qun. Unfortunately, he wasn’t the type of person who’s good at business at all. The whole way through, he lost money until the point where he was out of cash. Just when he was about to stop and withdraw, Feng Qun egged him on. He told YiHan to steal information on the Bai Corporations’ latest project and use some of the Bai Corporations’ business secrets for their company. Just like a fool, he believed in Feng Qun’s logic of “just putting what’s in the left pocket in the right pocket” and stole from his family.

Who knew it was all just a lie. A scam. Information on the Bai Corporations was leaked out and then sued for plagiarism. The stock prices fell to the ground and the company suffered major losses. Then, they were accused of crimes like tax evasion and falsifying their account books. Soon after, a few other companies allied themselves and attacked the Bai Corporations. The wall may sway due to rain and wind, but it collapses from the crowd pushing at it. YiHan’s father, brother and sister slaved away for two whole months, but they still had to declare bankruptcy.

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28. Birthday Party Meeting

JingYuan nodded once more.

“Alright. I’ll look at the dates and help you choose one. Have you any thoughts on the venue? A hotel?” Ma said.

“Thanks for helping out. No matter how hard we think, we’ll never think of everything,” JingYuan replied.

Ma then remembered JingYuan parents are gone. No one will be helping him with his marriage. At that, her heart ached.

“Okay,” she said, “Count on me. You kids don’t need to worry too much about it.”

The Bai family only let JingYuan leave after he stayed for dinner. YiHan didn’t know he got through the night. His entire being was stiff. He didn’t even remember what he had for dinner. Luckily, everyone was too busy with the happy event to pay attention to how weird he was acting.

Only JingYuan was paying attention to him the whole time. But JingYuan thought it was all because YiHan was angry at him and didn’t want to talk to him. Bitterness swelled in JingYuan.

***

Three days later, the old Mr Yan of the great property shark of the city, the Yan family, had his 66th birthday celebration. The family head, Yan Cheng, hosted a grand ball at the Yan family manor. As it was a birthday party for the old Mr Yan, everyone who was anyone was invited. The Bai family was also invited. Not only were the parents invited, but Yan, XueQing and their youngest son, YiHan, were invited as well.

YiHan didn’t want to go at first, but a mother knows her son best. Ma’s sharp intuition sensed the sorrow hiding behind her young son’s smile lately. She felt that it must be because of the tense situation going on between him and JingYuan. The last time JingYuan was in their home, she forgot about it due to her daughter’s engagement. This was the perfect chance to let them meet again. Perhaps they can make up? After all, JingYuan’s going to be part of their family soon. Any grudges should be cleared up as soon as possible.

Even if that can’t be done, it could act as trip out for relaxation, right?

So, she did her best to prepare clothes for her youngest son and pushed him out the door.

Upper-class society gatherings are all the same. Ladies in extravagant gowns. Deals over wine and champagne. A genteel mask over everyone’s faces. Polite, respectful, lively and peaceful. The old Mr Yan’s face was red with happiness and smilingly accepted everyone’s blessings.

A crowd of men surround Bai FuRen. As one of the richest men in the city, there were plenty who wish to network with him. Everyone knew that the Bai family treasured their precious youngest son. They praised and flattered YiHan to no ends. All of the Bai family members were beaming so much they glowed like stars in the night.

YiHan stood beside his family with a slight smile on his face. Polite and humble. Upon noticing his understanding appearance, his family was prouder than ever. Even the ever-calm Yan couldn’t help chuckling.

Yan was young and capable. He was the confirmed heir to the Bai family. He had a good body and a good face. The classic golden bachelor. This was already enough to make all the girls’ hearts pound for him. Now, with this constant stream of pheromones being released, from what YiHan could see, the majority of the girls in tiny elegant dresses were already in love with his older brother.

YiHan sighed internally. Girls these days were just as fierce as tigers. However, he didn’t know that all these girls were currently fantasising about him in their hearts: He’s so cute! Just too cute! I really want to wrestle him into my arms and ruffle that hair of his!

Just then, a commotion arose at the doors. YiHan looked up. Ah, JingYuan’s arrived. He was also one of the hottest men in the city. He was on a higher tier than Yan. After all, Bai Yan was just the heir to the Bai family. Mu JingYuan had been the head of the Mu family for years.

JingYuan walked into the hall. He smiled and greeted the crowd before running straight for the old Mr Yan. When he passed by the Bai family, he looked long and hard into YiHan’s eyes. YiHan looked away and hid from JingYuan’s gaze out of reflex.

Translator’s Note:

Glowed like stars: The phrasing used here is “they grinned so much they were like blooming flowers”. There are many interpretations as to how this phrase came about. The common ones are a) it is linked to the idiom “flowers bloomed in frenzy”, which meant one was very happy, and b) a happy smile is like a blooming flower, radiant and eye-catching.

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27. You’re Getting Married?

After a few days, Mu JingYuan and Bai XueQing entered through the doors as a pair. There was a trace of a rare shy smile on XueQing’s face. YiHan’s heart skipped. He counted out the days. Wasn’t this when his sister and JingYuan announced their engagement in his last life?

His brain buzzed and hummed. Subconsciously, his arm clenched tight at the armrest of the sofa. The bones and veins on his hand popped into sight, deathly pale. It’s been over two years since he last came face to face with JingYuan. All he could feel now was the pounding of his heart. His ears were filled with white noise. He nearly ran away once more. It took him a tremendous force of will to control himself, stop himself from acting out of fear.

He watched as JingYuan walked over with his sister, shoulder to shoulder. The bitter pain from his heart swelled in his throat. Yet he can’t run away again. He’d made the decision, didn’t he? To be a good child.

JingYuan’s gaze bore straight into YiHan. “HanHan,” he greeted.

YiHan looked away. His sore eyes blinking hard. After a pause, he looked back at JingYuan and put on the smile he’d been using recently.

“Sis, you’re back,” he said.

He’d decided to use the most perfect smile to greet JingYuan, but he couldn’t do it. He sighed internally. He really was the most useless human ever.

JingYuan let out a sigh.

“What made the both of you come home together?” Ma asked, curious.

XueQing walked up to the sofa and ruffled the fur on her little brother’s head. Once that was done, she pulled JingYuan down to sit with her. “Where’s Father? And Big Bro?” she asked.

“You know how your father’s been planning on retiring and handing the company over to your brother? They’re holed up in his study talking about the handover of who-knows-what,” Ma replied.

“Really. Father’s still young. Why is he already thinking of retiring? He just wants to slack off and throw all his mess at Brother and me!” XueQing unhappily said.

“Ungrateful girl. In other families, fathers who aren’t willing to let go of powers will cause the younger generation to rebel and mutiny. You’re lucky. Your father wants to retire early, yet you’re not happy about it!” Ma scolded with a smile.

“How could our family be the same as others’?” XueQing said with a pout.

“Indeed. Our children are all so mature. Your father and I would frequently wake ourselves laughing over this,” Ma replied with a happy grin.

At that, a laugh burst through XueQing’s lips. “Mom, stop pulling our legs,” she said. She then took a closer look at YiHan. “What’s made you so upset today?” she asked.

“I’m not. I’m quite fine,” YiHan replied, forcing an awkward smile.

Ma shot a look at her daughter, hinting that her youngest son and JingYuan were still locked in a cold war. XueQing blinked back.

“Ma, can you ask Father and Bro to come down? JingYuan and I have something to say,” XueQing said.

YiHan’s body went stiff. Ma looked between the two of them before giving them both an understanding smile and going upstairs.

Soon, the three descended and the whole family gathered together on the sofas.

XueQing cleared her throat and said in a solemn tone, “Father. Mother. Brother. HanHan. JingYuan and I have decided to get married.”

YiHan closed his eyes and did his best to breathe calmly. What will be, will be. His fingers twitched. His eyes stared down at his two knees.

“FuRen’s brows furrowed. “You’re getting married?” he asked. His gaze then turned to JingYuan.

JingYuan nodded.

FuRen then asked his daughter, “When did you two start dating? Why did your mother and I not know this?”

“We grew up together. It naturally came to be so,” XueQing smiled.

“This is the children’s matter. We’re already outdated. Don’t ask so much. This is good. We’ve watched JingYuan grow up. We know his abilities and character. I’d worry if I hand my daughter over to someone else,” Ma interjected with a smile.

“When do you plan on getting married?” Yan asked.

“The faster the better, of course,” XueQing said.

“You’re a lady. Have some restraint. What does JingYuan want?” Ma scolded again with a hand covering the smirk on her face.

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26. Bet On A Chance

“There’s no point betting on such a thing. It won’t happen. If HanHan knew about this, he’ll never forgive me,” JingYuan said.

“Then don’t let him know. Even if he did, it’s my decision. You can’t be blamed for it. I’m a very stubborn person. I won’t turn back unless I hit a wall. I won’t give up until the very last step,” XueQing said.

“Let me think on it,” JingYuan replied as he rubbed at his aching forehead.

She reached out and grasped his wrist. “No need to think anymore. This is the best solution, is it not? If I regret it later, we can just divorce. I’m using marriage to bet on a chance you’ll love me. You can use that identity to protect your boy. We both get what we want. Everyone’s happy. Right?” she asked.

JingYuan opened his mouth, wanting to reply, but she interrupted. “I am an adult. I know what I’m doing. I won’t let myself regret anything in my life. I’m not drunk. I’m sober right now. I will be responsible for my own actions,” she said.

“Wasting your youth for a marriage in name only. Do you really think that’s the best for yourself?” he asked.

“I said, I’m just betting on a chance,” she replied.

“And I also said that’s not possible,” JingYuan said.

“How do you know it’s not possible before trying it out?” XueQing replied.

“I’ll consider it,” he said, resting his head on his hand.

She didn’t push him anymore. As she stood up, she pulled him along by the arm. “Okay. You think. I’ll send you home,” she said.

“You drank too. How could you drive me back? You walk home. I’ll find someone to drive me later.” JingYuan didn’t know if he should be laughing or be sad at the notion of a drunk person driving another drunk person.

“You ask around now. We’ll go together,” XueQing said.

Helpless, all he could do was dig out his phone. As he started dialling, he asked, “I’m a big man. Are you worried for my safety?”

“With the way you look, how could you be safe?” she replied with twitching lips.

JingYuan called his secretary Chen Hong, reported the address of the bar, hung up, and waved his phone at XueQing. This will do, right?

Only then did she nod and sit back down to wait with him.

As expected of a top-tier secretary with his high pay, Chen Hong soon arrived. He settled the bill, helped both JingYuan and XueQing get into the car, and sent them home.

Bai YiHan was standing before a window, staring at the gates. A car drove up and stopped before it. It was JingYuan’s car. JingYuan’s secretary, Chen Hong, came out of the car and supported XueQing as she did so too. She turned back and waved at the car before walking towards the house. Chen Hong stood and watched her. He only went back into the car and drive off once XueQing was inside the house.

YiHan’s lips were pinched tight. His fingers clenched so hard on the window sill that his fingertips turned white. Even if he knew they were a couple beforehand, witnessing it with his own eyes still made him hurt so badly that he couldn’t breathe.

He turned his back to the view outside and leaned against the wall. He closed his eyes. In his heart, he repeated to himself. This was how things should be. JingYuan’s happy. His sister’s happy too. He’s the one thing that shouldn’t exist the most. He’s the homewrecker. So, suck up that vile ugly face of yours. Don’t spoil things for them anymore.

But when will it all end?

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25. Only Him. I Love Him

Bai XueQing’s eyes went wide. She grew up beside Mu JingYuan. She had a rough understanding of JingYuan’s social circles. Before this chat, she could never have thought someone like this existed. But after his little vent, why did it sound so much like…like her little brother? But YiHan’s a boy!

She took a big gulp of alcohol to ease the shock. After a pause, she asked, “The one you’re talking about…”

JingYuan had already voiced out his thoughts. Since the glass walls separating the world from his secret were already cracked, why not just smash it to smithereens? He squinted his eyes and replied, “You’ve already guessed who it is, haven’t you?”

XueQing’s eyes widened even further. “But Lil Bro, he’s…he’s…”

“A guy. Yes, I know,” he said with another huge gulp of liquor.

“You know yet you still…You’re gay?” XueQing asked with a frown.

“No. I only like HanHan. Only him. I love him,” JingYuan frowned back.

“Does he know your feelings?” she asked.

“If he knew, the world would’ve ended long ago from his tantrums. He would’ve chased me far away. He’s not someone who’d hesitate just for my reputation,” JingYuan replied with a bitter smile.

XueQing closed her eyes and took a deep breath. “JingYuan, HanHan had a girlfriend before. Thus, he likes girls. This isn’t an easy path. If you really love him, you shouldn’t drag him under the water,” she said.

JingYuan rested his forehand on his hands and kept silent. After a long pause, when XueQing thought he didn’t plan on speaking again, he spoke in a tone that spoke of pain and suffering. “I know. I thought about that too. If he…As long as there’s hope, no matter how small, I won’t give up. But reality now shows he likes girls. I won’t…I won’t hurt him. Don’t worry. I’m just thinking. I want to stay by his side. Even if it’s just as a family friend, I want to watch over him, protect him. As long as he’s willing to stay close to me and not hate me. It’s enough. But for some unknown reason, he’s angry at me. He won’t even see me.”

XueQing lifted the liquor bottle from the table and took a deep swig. Her body slouched back against the couch. The two went silent. Then, she suddenly spoke up. “If you just want to be his family, then I have a plan.”

He opened his eyes and looked at her. “What plan?” he asked.

“Marry me,” she replied with fire in her eyes.

“Are you mad?” he yelped in shock.

“I’m not,” she said, “Marry me and you’ll be his brother-in-law. Then you can protect him for his entire life without any problems.”

“You should know that this involves biggest event of a human’s life. Not only mine, but yours too. How can you fool around with that? No matter how much I want to stay close to HanHan, I won’t have it cost you your life’s happiness,” he solemnly replied.

XueQing’s eyes bore down into JingYuan. “JingYuan, I like you. You must’ve sensed it, because you’ve been avoiding me lately. Isn’t that so? I’m that kind of person. If I like something, I’ll do my very best to fight for it. You want to protect HanHan. I want you. Our marriage will give us both what we want. Yes?” she said despondently.

“XueQing, you must understand. Your liking is just vague positive feelings for me. You are the daughter of the Bai family. You can have anyone you want. You know who my heart belongs to now. If you marry me, you’ll never be happy,” he said.

“Who knows what’ll happen in the future? We’re still young. A lifetime is a long time. Living together day after day. How do you know you will never be moved by me? If I can wait for that day, I would’ve succeeded. If that day doesn’t come or if I end up liking someone else, we’ll break up in good terms. We’ll still be friends. You would’ve stayed by HanHan’s side as family for far longer. There’d be nothing wrong for you to continue staying by his side then, right?” XueQing said.

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24. What Went Wrong?

Mu JingYuan frowned. “No matter how capable you are, you are still a girl. It’s not good to drink so much. Go home. Don’t make HanHan worry,” he said.

Bai XueQing smiled and said, “Is this the first day you’ve known me? You know how much alcohol I can handle, right? You know my personality, right? I’m already here. Do you think I’d let you drink and brood alone?”

“You’re the Miss. Whatever you say,” JingYuan replied in a helpless tone.

“That’s more like it,” XueQing said.

The two made idle chatter as they drank. Slowly, things began to go hazy. XueQing was alright, but JingYuan was drowning his guts in alcohol. He was rather tipsy.

Half sprawled out on the sofa, he covered his eyes with one arm. The rare tinge of weakness leaked through his face.

XueQing blinked and asked again, “JingYuan, ever since I can remember, there’s almost nothing you can’t do. Just what made you so upset?”

JingYuan moved his arm away and blinked back at her. “Something that can’t be resolved,” he replied with a bitter smile.

“This isn’t like you. There’s nothing in this world that can’t be resolved. I want to hear just what has made you utter such an extreme statement,” XueQing said in disagreement.

He closed his eyes. Suddenly, he sat straight up. His two eyes stared straight into XueQing’s eyes. “You really want to know?” he asked.

She gave a firm nod without hesitation.

JingYuan laid back then and let out a heavy sigh. “I’ve fallen in love with someone. Someone whom I can never obtain in this life.”

XueQing’s heart sank. “With your status and intelligence, who can you not have if you really like them so?” she asked.

“You don’t get it. Emotions and love are not things that can be obtained through status and tricks. Anyway, they don’t even like me. They only think of me as his big brother. No, I don’t even know what they think of me now,” JingYuan replied with another bitter chuckle.

“If that’s the case, then why persist and make yourself suffer? Why not let go and look at others?” she asked.

JingYuan sighed again. “XueQing, you’ve never experienced true love. You wouldn’t understand. Love is not something that can be forgotten just because I say so. It’s because I can’t that I’m suffering in agony,” he said.

“If you can’t let go, then go snatch what you want,” XueQing said with a frown.

“If only it were that easy. They’re not a thing. They’re a living human being,” replied he.

“So what? Whether it’s a human or an object, they’re only yours if they’re in your hands,” she said.

“Your words really suit your personality. You’ll get it once this day arrives for you. Emotions make people weak. If you really like them, how can you bear to hurt them? To make them unhappy?” he softly laughed.

XueQing was getting impatient. “This won’t do. That won’t do. Then how?” she said.

“That’s why it’s an unsolvable problem,” JingYuan said.

He laid his arm over his eyes again. “I’ve kept watch over them for so many years, doted on them for so long. Decided to never do anything that’ll harm them. I thought, they’re still young. I’ll wait for them to grow up. But they’ve grown up and I’ve realised they don’t belong to me anymore. I’m not so foolish as to wish I can be with them. I just want to be able to keep watch over them my whole life, just as always. Only I don’t think they’d give me that chance. I really don’t know what went wrong. They won’t see me. They won’t even chat amicably with me. Just what can I do so I can stay by their side?” he sighed.

This forbidden and bleak emotion has been hiding in his heart for far too long. Like a mountain looming on top of him, he couldn’t even breathe. Now that he’d said it all out loud in a drunken haze, he felt much more comfortable.

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23. Mooching a Glass of Alcohol

In the evening, after the sky turned dark, Bai XueQing was driving home with her eyes drifting sideways when she spotted someone unexpected. Mu JingYuan slowly walking on the pedestrian path. His back was as straight as ever, but it somehow gave off an aura of despondent fragility.

XueQing liked JingYuan. She came from a good family. She’s strong. She was the dream of many men. Of course, she’s got quite an ego in her, yet Mu JingYuan was the first man to make her heart skip.

Tall and handsome. While disaster struck JingYuan early in life with both his parents being lost at the same time, it did not strike him down. He rapidly gathered his wits and took over the Mu Corporation. He protected the product of his father’s sweat and blood from the circling old foxes. After years of hard work, he’s turned into a veteran of the business world. In fact, most of those old foxes had to bow before him now. That’s the best proof of his might.

JingYuan came from a good family. He’s attractive, persistent, skilled and knew to keep himself clean. Their two families had always been close, but no one ever knew if he had a lover or someone he liked. In the current society, such a man is one in a million. After being in contact with him for so long, XueQing slowly grew to like him.

She’s always been a brave one, never shirking from love or hate. She would never miss out on a good opportunity just because of that laughable concept called “face”. Since she liked him, she will fight hard for her own happiness.

JingYuan had been down spirited lately. She didn’t know why, but she seized the chance and tried her best to stay by his side at all times, as if she was a good and true friend. As expected, they became much closer.

Now that she’s seen JingYuan walking alone, dejected, she naturally had to follow along and see what’s going on.

She saw Mu JingYuan walk into a bar alone. She parked the car nearby and walked in too. Strangely enough, this bar wasn’t that noisy. She quickly spotted him sitting in a corner booth.

His jacket was slung over the chair beside him. He was only dressed in a button-up shirt. His sleeves were folded up, revealing muscular arms. He slouched on an armchair. His bony, slender fingers twined around a glass of alcohol. His eyes squinted at the mass of people around him, looking rather lost.

XueQing’s heart ached. This man had always been so strong and confident. What could possibly make such a strong man look so lost and troubled?

XueQing walked over to him. “Why are you drinking all alone, JingYuan?” she asked.

JingYuan looked up at her and hooked his lips up into a smile, “XueQing? Why are you here?”

“I happened to see you walk in, so I followed along to mooch a glass of alcohol off you.” XueQing went straight to the point.

“Does the almighty Miss Bai really need to mooch if she wanted alcohol? I probably can’t even get in line for that,” JingYuan replied with a low chuckle.

XueQing sat down on the couch beside him and ran her fingers through her long hair. “Must you tease me? Tell me. Just what has made President Mu so unhappy?” she said.

JingYuan tipped the alcohol into his throat in one gulp and poured another. “What can bother me?” he said.

XueQing picked up a glass, poured some into it, and clinker her glass with his. “We’ve known each other since we were children. Why hide it from me? I thought we were friends.”

He looked up at her and asked, “Since we’re friends, why are you digging?”

She lifted her hands up in surrender. “Okay. I won’t ask. You want to drink? I’ll drink with you.”

Translator’s Note:

Bar or not-bar: For those confused (aka anyone coming from a place with strict/sensible alcohol rules), JingYuan bought a whole bottle of liquor. Bottle-service – instead of the bartender pouring out X amount of shots for that table in the corner, you get the whole bottle to yourself with no bartender to monitor you at a ridiculous price. Most bar scenes Chinese know of revolve around bottle-service. It’s very much an American-influence thing. Drinking in Chinese culture is all about social drinking. Schmoozing, gambling, gossiping and just hanging out is what it’s mainly for. Bars in Chinese culture (Hong Kong, mainland China, Taiwan) mostly have stage entertainment too. Just don’t ask me how XueQing magicked up a glass from thin air. The server probably gave JingYuan 2 glasses for “just in case”.

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22. Escaping One Last Time

With his back to the door, Bai YiHan slid down to the floor. He covered his head with his arms. He really didn’t know if his rebirth was because the gods pitied him or if it was his punishment. Hehe. It must be a punishment. They’re making him use this new life to pay for the sins in his last life, making him smile as he watched the one he loved become his brother-in-law, bless the new couple and be a good son, a good brother, while his emotions stay hidden forever.

A sudden surge of rage rose in his heart. Why? Yes, he did something wrong, but was the punishment he suffered in his last life not enough?

All the shame and pain he was forced to go through, were they not payment enough? He died in such a disgusting and messy way with not a single family member at his side. Only the corpses of those vile villains he killed himself accompanying him during his death.

His dying wish was a request for the police not to publicise his identity and bring shame to his family. He didn’t know where he’d buried. He didn’t know how many people would examine and look at his abused body. He wasn’t able to see the one he loved one last time. He wasn’t even able to die with his eyes closed!

Were all those not enough? Why? Why can’t he be free? Why can’t he forever sleep on in peace? Why must he come back and go through the pain of never having his love be accepted again?

At this moment, he really wanted to be selfish and do whatever he wanted. Everyone can just head down to hell. But he can’t. What wrongs has his family done? They loved him, indulged him. They did nothing wrong and should not be harmed.

YiHan gave a low chuckle. So be it. As the saying goes, sow the lands with evil and the fruits of it will be evil.

He’s a criminal. Dirty, disgusting and utterly rotten. He should accept the consequences of his mistake. This was his burden to bear, was it not?

Brother said he’d grown up. He’d matured. Yes. He’s grown up now. He should be responsible for his actions. If the gods thought his punishment wasn’t enough, then he should keep on living and act out the role assigned to him. He must use all he had to make the family who loved him happy. Just like the past 2 weeks since his rebirth. He did well, didn’t he?

It’s just a Mu JingYuan. Mu JingYuan never belonged to him anyway. What did he have to be upset or hurt about? He had no right to begin with.

If Mu JingYuan knew of his disgusting and twisted homosexual tendencies, would he leave without looking back? Never ever to return?

If that happened, what should his sister do? Would she live on alone for her whole life just like last time?

No. It can’t happen, Bai YiHan! Stay strong. Don’t expose yourself. Keep it in. He cannot use those disgusting feelings of his to harm JingYuan and Sis!

He raised his head. His eyes red, filled with blood. Like a trapped and desperate cub, filled with pain, but his red eyes were dry. Not a tear track to be seen.

He took a few deep breaths in panic, eventually letting out a slow exhale. He laid his head back against the door and closed his eyes in exhaustion. Let him escape one last time. Next time, he will use the most perfect smile to welcome JingYuan and bless his relationship with XueQing.

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