61. Psychological Traps

JingYuan closed his eyes at XueQing’s question. Through clenched teeth, he replied, “I asked. He said since we had an engagement, he didn’t want to be a homewrecker. He shouldn’t exist.”

XueQing was stunned. Tears dripped down her cheeks. “This silly boy. This silly goose. Why should he not exist? It’s all my fault. Why did I have to get married to you out of the blue? It nearly killed HanHan,” she mumbled.

“You didn’t know this would happen either,” he replied with a hand massaging his brows, “It’s not your fault. But have you not realised there might be something wrong with him mentally? Do you think a normal human would commit suicide over something like this? And in such a decisive manner as slashing his throat?”

  XueQing’s eyes went wide. “What do you mean?” she asked. “Are you saying he’s sick?”

There’s no doubt at all about JingYuan’s feelings for her younger brother. He’d protected HanHan for so many years. Everyone could tell. She knew that there was no one else, aside from the Bai family, who’d love her brother as much as JingYuan. More than anyone else, he would never wish for anything to go wrong with her brother. The slightest hint of cursing her brother would send him into a raging frenzy. If he’s the one saying something like that, it must mean he was rather certain of it. This realisation made her heart sink.

“It’s just my guess. I don’t wish for it to be true, but this was the result of my observations over these few hours. I suspect someone’s been insinuated something and planted some psychological traps his mind,” JingYuan said.

XueQing clenched hard at the couch’s arm. “Psychological traps?” she repeated through gritted teeth.

“That’s right. Psychological traps,” JingYuan replied with cold eyes. “On the way back, he was spaced out. Ignore the fact that him being terrified of his own follower being a suspicious incident, just think about his actions last night.”

“When HanHan snapped out of it,” he continued, “he did his very best to maintain distance with me. He acted all cold and alienating. I thought he was angry at me then, so I didn’t think too much on it. Then, in his panic, he thought the liquor was water and downed half a bottle. After he got drunk, he started muttering gibberish.

“He said he was very dirty. He even said he ‘couldn’t wash himself clean’. He constantly emphasised he’d be a good boy. He begged me not to leave him, even said I was a liar. I’d leave in over a year and never to return. After I leave, people will start hitting him, insulting him. I’d ignore it all. He even said he was dead. He wouldn’t bother me anymore. He wanted us both to fly off together.

“He described his ‘death’ in detail. He said he feinted to get a policeman to shoot him,” JingYuan explained. His fingers curled into a finger gun and pointed to his heart. “Bang.”

XueQing’s body flinched at the soft “bang”. Her nails dug deep into the couch’s arms.

“I felt just like you do back then. I was so upset that in my agitation, I gripped him hard. He didn’t even dare to dodge. He only whispered that it hurt. I wanted to open up his clothes to see if I’d hurt him, but he had a major reaction,” JingYuan said.

He took a deep breath and wiped his face with a hand. Only then could he continue his tale, “He screamed. He hid under the table and said to me, ‘Please don’t do this. Kill me.’”

When XueQing heard those words that rang hard of implications, her eyes went red. She looked like a witch in a dark and threatening forest. “He once told my mother he had a nightmare,” she said after a pause. “HanHan dreamed our entire family went bankrupt and we plummeted into poverty.”

JingYuan nodded. “Combined with this behaviour, I think the most likely scenario would be someone planting something into his psychology and vaguely described a horrible ‘future’. Whatever he described should be what he saw would happen in the ‘future’. The Bai family would go bankrupt. I’d leave and go far away. He’d…die a gruesome death. From how scared he was of that Feng Qun, that person should be part of the ‘future’ and that guy was definitely not part of the good side.

“HanHan might act arrogant and bossy, but he only acts like that in his familiar surroundings. He’s all soft putty when talking to strangers. He’s truly a coward. He only ‘grew up’ after seeing those terrifying scenes from the ‘future’. He learned how to cherish what he had. Perhaps he was part of the reason for those scary scenes. That’s why he thought he ‘shouldn’t exist’,” JingYuan mused.

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60. So Stupid

The man who drove that car might have been one of his sister’s admirer. Because XueQing never paid attention to him, his love turned into hate. He wanted to pull her down to hell with him. An utter and complete maniac. Chen TianYang just so happened to bump into YiHan’s sister that day. They were just greeting each other when that psycho drove straight at XueQing. She had her back to it. She didn’t see it, but TianYang was standing opposite her. The car was so fast that he only had enough time to push XueQing away while he himself was hit and thrown a few feet away by it. He was even ran over by a wheel. He died on the spot. His corpse was in an awful state. On the other hand, XueQing only had a few scrapes from when she was unbalanced by the push.

Yes. From the looks of it, TianYang absolutely, definitely love YiHan’s sister a whole heaping lot. If XueQing got together with him, she wouldn’t be mistreated. That is, if he doesn’t die. He must live to a ripe old age. Only then would he bring XueQing happiness.

And it’d be such a pity for a man like that to die. TianYang would be his brother-in-law. They’re a family. He can’t let anything happen to TianYang.

However, YiHan didn’t remember just when the incident happened anymore. All he knew was that it’d happen in September next year. He can’t just make his sister stay in the house throughout the whole of September without stepping a foot outside. A lot has changed in this life, like his relationship with JingYuan. If his sister got together with TianYang, who knew if that maniac would change his mind? Even if he didn’t, if XueQing holed up through September, the guy might wait until October, right? YiHan can’t make his sister stay at home her whole life just to avoid that crazy guy.

Aaah! He really was the most stupid person on earth. He knew something would happen, but he had no way of resolving it. Why was the one reborn him? If it was the clever JingYuan, or even Chen TianYang, they would surely have a way to solve this!

Why not just tell JingYuan about this and ask for his help? He’ll surely have a way, but then how would YiHan explain why he knew so many things from the future?

Should he tell JingYuan about his rebirth? Absolutely not! He died in such a horrible and dirty way. He cannot tell JingYuan. What should he do then? YiHan can’t just let things play out without doing a single thing when it’s about his sister’s happiness!

Aah! This was so frustrating! YiHan flopped onto his other side. His body slapped against the bed. He buried his head into his pillow and bashed his hands against the bed in annoyance.

***

The moment JingYuan reached the door to XueQing’s bedroom, his hand started knocking insistently. After a while, the door opened. With her hair a mess, XueQing glared at him with dead eyes. If he didn’t have a very good explanation, she would instantly drag him off to be slaughtered.

JingYuan calmly nodded to her and slid around her into her bedroom.

XueQing closed the door and, in a menacing tone, said, “You’d best give me a good reason for this. You should know that interrupting other’s, especially a woman’s, sleep is very wicked deed.”

JingYuan walked over to the small couch in the room and sat down. “HanHan woke up. While I was asleep, he attempted suicide,” he spat out.

A cold shiver ran through XueQing. She felt like she was going to have a mental breakdown at any moment. “What did you say?” she yelled. “How is he now? Why didn’t you call for the doctor?”

“If he wasn’t fine, do you think I’d be sitting here and talking to you? I stopped him. No need to worry,” JingYuan steadily replied.

“Just what happened?” she meekly asked, confusion laced in her words. She’d calmed down, but her legs were still wobbling from that bomb of a news. She stumbled over to the couch and sat down. “Why would he want to…kill himself?”

He turned at looked at her. Slowly, word by word, he said, “You all said he’s grown up, matured. I didn’t quite understand it in the first place, but I get it now after today. When he woke up, he took advantage of my sleep to shatter a wine bottle. With a glass shard, he aimed for his veins. There was real force behind the swing. While I found out in time and held him by the wrist, he was strong enough to pull my arm along to swipe at his neck. Luckily, I used all my strength back then. There’s only a thin shallow wound. Nothing major.”

“XueQing,” he continued. “I nearly had a heart attack from it. My heart stopped beating then.”

She could tell from JingYuan’s face that he was not exaggerating. He almost had a heart attack for sure. In truth, his calm descriptions were enough to make her heart go thumping wildly. Her forehead was covered in sweat. She could imagine just how frightened JingYuan who’d witnessed it all was. She brashly rubbed at her face. “Did you not ask him why he did that?” she asked, shocked.

Translator’s Note:

Here are the chapters! Hopefully everyone’s staying safe in the annual epidemic frenzy.

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59. Rotten Plan

“Yes. You guys. You and Chen TianYang,” JingYuan said with a nod. “I like you. Your sister likes TianYang, but that guy’s like a block of wood. You know that right While he appears to be quite into your sister, he’d never confessed. If he doesn’t confess, is he waiting for your sister, a girl, to confess then? So we came up with a plan. First, spread some fake news. If he really likes your sister, he’d start panicking. As for you, I didn’t know what you thought of me. I wanted to use this chance to test the waters. See if you cared for me in that way. In the end, you didn’t really seem to. I was so depressed these few days. Never would I have thought you were bluffing, I was dejected for so long over nothing.”

YiHan still found it strange. “From what I understand of my sister, she’s a girl who dares to love and to hate. If she really did love someone, she wouldn’t mind being the proactive one.”

“You don’t understand.” JingYuan cleared his throat. “Girls. No matter how strong and tough they usually are, when before someone they like, it’s almost certain they’ll change a little. Turn into someone they’re not.”

“That’s true,” YiHan said, nodding.

JingYuan secretly let out a sigh of relief.

“But then,” YiHan continued, still as curious and feeling slightly flabbergasted as ever. “Who thought of this plan? This is certainly a most rotten plan. If TianYang truly loved my sister, he’d think you two really do liked each other. He wouldn’t want to ruin it and would sadly give up. What will you do then? As for me…I too thought you were truly into each other. If I tried to make a move on you, I’d turn into that hated third-party, some mistress…”

JingYuan unhesitatingly flung the blame away from him. “Yes, you’re absolutely right. I was in such a hurry that I would do anything back then. That’s why I agreed to your sister’s rotten idea. Thank goodness for yesterday. Otherwise, the ending would be something none of us wanted. Come to think of it, I’m really afraid of what might happen now.”

Isn’t it so? YiHan thought with a pained smile. He thought back to the ending of this plan in his last life. This whole marriage was the source of his personality shift into a reckless, troublemaking idiot. One could say it was the spark that engulfed the Bai family’s business in flames. He’d turned into a gloomy and rash mess. He was acted in such an illogical manner that he offended a petty person. That resulted into him dying a horrible death. JingYuan left and never returned to the country. TianYang suffered a bad ending too. His sister ended up being an old spinster forever.

YiHan thought that was all his doing. Never would he have imagined the source for this tragedy being a weird laughable stinking plan.

JingYuan carefully observed the boy’s each and every reaction. YiHan must believe him now. “I’ll go see if your sister’s up yet. If she is, I’ll get her to come upstairs. In case you don’t believe me,” JingYuan said as he rose from the bed.

YiHan nodded in agreement while his mind wondered if he should be laughing or crying at that statement. Since when did the ever-stern Mu JingYuan turn into such a child who needed to prove himself right at every turn? However, this made him very mesmerising. That was for sure.

Still, Chen TianYang’s death was a serious issue. If he can’t live to a ripe old age, wouldn’t his sister end up on the same path as before then?

Just how did he die?

Right. He was hit by a car when saving his sister. He died a painful death. One of the most handsome men in the entire city was turned into a bundle of blood and flesh. No longer could his beauty be seen. His mother had fainted on the spot. She kept fainting throughout the funeral too. In just a few days, a proud and elegant mother had turned into a crazed, spacing out mess of a woman. The Chen family bore a major grudge against the Bai family because of this. They felt his sister killed their exceptional heir.

Translator’s Note:

Sorry for the late chapter! Was busy with real life. Who knew that a single bad dinner could ruin one’s whole day this much.

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58. The Engagement’s Fake

Despite the pain coursing through his body, YiHan didn’t mind them at all. To think, his first time in his last life…

He’d been drugged and so many men came at once. The sheer thought of any of them even being as loving as JingYuan to his body was ridiculous. How could they hold back their desire and gently go through thorough foreplay? When he woke up, he felt as if he’d been drawn and quartered before being put back together again. There wasn’t a single unmarred spot on his flesh. On the walk home, every step felt so painful he wanted to just collapse into unconsciousness. The only reason he bore through the pain and walked all the way home was the immense bitterness in his heart that stemmed from being wronged. Unfortunately, he got no comfort from home. Instead, he was forced to stare as his grandfather was angered to the point of passing away before his eyes.

And that time just before he died? That was torture, plain and simple. His whole being felt like it was being torn apart. It hurt so much his throat went hoarse with screams and black spots enveloped his vision. He hated how he couldn’t just die right then and there…He’d gone through every bit of suffering imaginable to mankind in his past life. Compared to those experiences, this mere bit of pain was just a light drizzling rain. It’s not worth mentioning at all.

However, to JingYuan who watched as YiHan ignored his body and the pain the other must be feeling just to rush over to him, who saw that stiff walk and posture, who could tell the other was in immense pain, who watched as YiHan’s flushed cheeks turn ghastly pale, his heart felt as if it was being tortured. JingYuan hurriedly walked over to meet YiHan midway and immediately lifted the other into a carry. He carried YiHan to the bed and softly placed him on it.

“You’re still hurt. Why did you walk so fast? You can just tell me if there’s something you want or need,” JingYuan said with a faint tinge of rage. Then, he recalled just why and how YiHan was hurt and his aching heart fluttered with sweet delight.

“I’m fine. It doesn’t hurt that much. Your feet are hurt. You need to rest. Don’t go walking around,” YiHan replied with a shake of his head.

JingYuan wiped away the sweat off YiHan’s clammy forehead with his hand and gently kissed those pale lips. He lightly nuzzled YiHan’s cheeks with his. His heart couldn’t bear the pain anymore. His little guy had always been rather delicate. A tiny cut on his hand would warrant a full day of shouting and moaning about the pain. Since when did YiHan learn to handle pain? His little prince should be protected and spoiled. He didn’t need the ability to endure pain!

“Silly billy, do you want to kill me with heartache? My feet are merely flesh wounds. I’m completely fine,” JingYuan murmured.

YiHan was savouring JingYuan’s affectionate gestures. His body was so light he’d drifted up high above the clouds. Everything felt so surreal. He couldn’t help himself. He turned and gave JingYuan’s cheek a light peck. Those pale smooth cheeks were flushed red once more. So this was how it felt to be affectionate with the one you loved. YiHan’s lips pursed in laughter like a little mouse that’d hoarded a whole mountain of food. His two dimples sunk in deep into his cheeks, just like a little hamster.

At the sight of YiHan secretly smiling to himself, JingYuan’s cold masculine heart melted into a puddle of water once more. Whoosh! It’s all over the floor now. There’s no getting it back.

For a long while, JingYuan snuggled with YiHan in bed. Then, with his remaining shreds of rational mind, he reminded himself he’d yet to talk to XueQing about the excuse he’d made about the engagement. If XueQing walked in before then, it’d be terrible. He turned and gave those soft lips a hard kiss.

“Are you still worried about XueQing? I’ll go ask her to come over to settle those worries. We can also take the chance to discuss with her about what’ll happen later before your parents wake up,” JingYuan softly said.

“Then…what about your engagement?” YiHan cautiously asked.

“This whole thing was fake in the first place. Of course, it’ll be cancelled,” JingYuan replied.

YiHan’s face curled up in a frown. “Must it? Won’t this be bad for her reputation?”

“HanHan, you must understand. XueQing likes Chen TianYang. If we don’t call off the marriage, how can they be together?” JingYuan said in a matter-of-fact tone.

“Since she likes him, why would she still get into a fake engagement with you?” YiHan curiously asked.

JingYuan’s mind screeched to a halt. It quickly whirred and flew through a hundred ideas at once. “That? Didn’t I tell you? It’s all a collaboration. We announced the marriage to push you guys. Yes. It was to agitate you,” he calmly explained.

“You guys?” YiHan asked.

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57. Don’t Ignore Me

However, the two light pecks were just to test out YiHan’s attitude. JingYuan hadn’t forgotten about his little one’s hurt neck and hand!

JingYuan resisted the desire to continue kissing the other. He gently pinched and swiped the tip of YiHan’s nose, then got off the bed to look for the first aid kit. But the moment his feet touched the floor…

“…”

He forgot. He’d just charged through a whole floor with bare feet and charged right back. There were still glass shards stabbing into the bottom of his feet. Now that they’re stepping on the ground, this intense feeling…

He froze. After a short pause, he steadily sat down, calmly lifted his legs to pull out all the glass shards in his feet, sedately went to grab the first aid kit and walked back.

Fortunately, YiHan was still lying on the spot, smoking embarrassment and didn’t notice it. Thankfully, he had an iron-strong will that kept him from making any noise. Otherwise, his image would be ruined.

Once he finished cleaning up YiHan’s wounds and his, JingYuan tenderly kissed the bandages on YiHan’s hand.

“Silly boy,” he gently said, “why won’t you take care of yourself? If you ever dare try to let yourself get hurt again, I’ll…” He’ll what? He didn’t know either. All he knew was he would definitely not be able to bear punishing YiHan at all. He can’t give YiHan a beating. He can’t scold him. It really seemed like JingYuan can’t do anything to YiHan.

“I’ll ignore you. Mn. One day–no–two days,” he said after a long moment of consideration. He nodded his head firmly and decisively as he said so.

JingYuan never imagined a decision made on the last minute would hit the nail on the head. YiHan wasn’t afraid of anything, but he was afraid of JingYuan ignoring him.

“I won’t ever. Don’t ignore me,” YiHan hurriedly said with a nervous nod.

JingYuan smiled. The face rendered cold and harsh by lines on his face smoothed out with a tinge of warmth, turning even more mesmerizingly handsome. It made one sink hopelessly in love with him. YiHan didn’t know if it was the same for other people, but he’s stuck forever.

JingYuan rose and curled his precious bearer of his heart in his arms. He lovingly planted a kiss on YiHan’s head and let out a satisfied sigh.

***

After a nap, Aunt Yang felt so much better. She was busy preparing lunch for the whole family when JingYuan snuck across the downstairs living room. He slipped into the tool storage room and took the broom and dustpan. But then he was red-handed by Aunt Yang who just so happened to turn around.

“Mr Mu? What are you doing with the broom?” she asked.

JingYuan halted. He turned around and replied in a composed tone, “I accidentally broke a bottle. I’m scared of HanHan stepping into it, so I’m going to sweep it up.”

Aunt Yang was alarmed at that. She hurriedly wiped her hands dry on the apron and walked out of the kitchen.

“Ah, we’ve got to clean that up fast,” she hastily said. “Give me the broom. I’ll do it.”

JingYuan didn’t let go. “It’s fine. I can clean it up. Is lunch ready soon? HanHan’s hungry. He said he wants some lamb ribs,” he solemnly said.

As expected, Aunt Yang’s attentions were shifted away. “Lamb ribs? Aah, I didn’t cook any today. I’ll go make some now! It should be done in time. Please tell the Little Master to wait a while longer,” she said as she swiftly marched back into the kitchen. “Mr Mu! Remember to clean all the shards up. Don’t let him step on any! He’s afraid of pain. When he was young, he’d be crying for the whole day just because of a jab!” shouted Aunt Yang as she popped her head back out.

Warmth flowed through JingYuan’s heart. “Don’t worry,” he replied with a smile. “I’ll be sure the room’s all clean.”

He returned to YiHan’s room and carefully swept up all the glass shards he could find. No corner was overlooked. After the nth thorough check to make sure nothing was left behind, he finally stood straight up and looked at YiHan who was ordered to not leave the bed.

“Done,” he said. “You can get off the bed now.” His eyes looked over every nook and cranny in the room. Very good. Very clean.

YiHan still hadn’t gotten used to his new status. He also didn’t know just what his and JingYuan’s relationship was right now. Uneasiness continued rolling through him. He didn’t dare disobey JingYuan in case that made the other angry, but he was also worried about JingYuan’s injured feet. The moment he heard he could get off the bed, he rushed over to the other man. He was going to look at the hurt feet, but his body had just tasted its first storm. His waist and legs were sore. The area back there hurt too. Every step felt like torture.

Translator’s Notes:

Beating: Aka corporal punishment like beating hands/bum with a cane/stick, spanking, and slapping. It was hard to decide which so literal translation it is.

Happy new year!

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56. She Loves You Very Much

YiHan stared at JingYuan in disbelief. He faltered. His face turned ghastly pale once more. “My sister likes you. She must be so sad the moment she knew of what happened yesterday. She won’t talk to me again. As expected…I…” He was going to say he shouldn’t exist, but he remembered how JingYuan’s face twisted when he last said that. It was clear the other didn’t want to hear him say that, so he held it in.

JingYuan carefully coaxed, “Don’t worry, HanHan. Why would she refuse to talk to you? She was so very worried about you. Afraid I bullied you. Afraid you were upset. She loves you very much, and she doesn’t really like me. She…she likes Chen TianYang.” He wanted to explain to YiHan the liking XueQing felt for him wasn’t really love, but one look at YiHan and it was obvious the other was fixated on the matter. After some thought, JingYuan decided to go with a more stable excuse. He just needed to talk to XueQing later about their alibi later.

“How can it be?” YiHan gasped in shock. He clearly remembered his sister liking JingYuan the whole time in his last life.

JingYuan had already started lying. Even if he had to do it on his knees, he had to finish the lie. “It’s absolutely true. She told me that herself. If you don’t believe me, I’ll call her over in a minute. You can ask her yourself,” he confidently said.

YiHan was confuzzled by JingYuan’s assured tone. Was he really mistaken? Chen TianYang. Chen TianYang. He remembered this person. YiHan’s eyes went wide. In his last life, Chen TianYang would die in a car crash over a year from now because he was protecting his sister! Thus, the Chen family hated the Bai family. The Chen family were very much involved in the incidents surrounding the Bai business. That meant the combined attack later on was mainly carried by the Chen and Qi families.

Could his sister be forever alone because of Chen TianYang’s death? That suddenly cut through the fog in his mind (Big mistake). She didn’t react that badly when JingYuan left (because she wasn’t as into JingYuan as she’d thought). After Chen TianYang’s death, she’d been so morose. (That’s because she felt guilty of TianYang’s death. The Chen family began hating the Bai family and constantly caused trouble for them. She’d have to go resolve the issue time after time. Migraines build up in her mind. Then, the Bai family fell into troubling times. As a confident and strong woman, she felt so dejected that she couldn’t save her family business. She began doubting herself.) She resolutely refused all suitors. (An insane suitor nearly killed her.) So it’s because she was in a different plane to her loved one (No, she wasn’t). How could she be happy? No wonder she slowly stopped talking. It’s because of the bitter pain in her heart. (That’s true, but it’s not because she’s separated from her beloved.) And he, her younger brother, never knew what was bothering her. He never tried to comfort her, yet he kept bothering and frustrating her! But…

“Then why are you two getting married?” YiHan asked.

JingYuan: “…About that, it’s complicated. I’ll get your sister to explain it to you later. Anyway, we’re just business partners and we never planned on really marrying each other. It’s just for show.”

They never planned to get married! So that’s what it was! So, he wasn’t the reason their engagement got cancelled! He felt so much less guilty now!

YiHan let out a long breath. The depressing restraints in his chest ever since his rebirth loosened slightly.

JingYuan had been carefully observing YiHan’s face as his expressions changed. At the sight of the other’s face calming down, he felt much more relaxed.

“HanHan, about last night, do you…do you hate it?” JingYuan cautiously asked.

YiHan’s face instantly went red. His heart started thumping wildly. He bit his lip and turned his head away. A beat later, he shook his head slightly.

Rainbows and fireworks exploded in JingYuan’s heart because of that minute action. He felt like he was going to have a heart attack. He slowly inhaled and exhaled. He tentatively shuffled forward and kissed the corner of YiHan’s lips. YiHan didn’t move. His face merely flushed harder. It was as if he’d start bleeding any moment now.

JingYuan slowly released the arms and legs holding YiHan down. He tilted his head and pecked YiHan right on the lips.

YiHan still didn’t move, but it looked like smoke was going to start puffing out of him.

JingYuan’s heart felt like it was melting. Oh, his little one. How can he be so cute!

Translator’s Note:

Merry Christmas!

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55. Scared to Death

JingYuan thought YiHan was finally tired. Afraid that the other would be uncomfortable with him sitting on top of him, he shifted his weight so he just hovered above YiHan. He then laid his forehead on that gaunt shoulder of YiHan. He didn’t dare look at those dull eyes.

“I know. It’s my fault. You were drunk. You weren’t fully coherent. I was the shameless one who took advantage of you. I crave you too much. When I heard you call out my name, I was so happy I went mad. I lost control. I couldn’t help it. I…I…It’s all my fault. If you’re really angry, you can hit me, insult me, even kill me. I’ll write a will and say it’s suicide. But you can’t…you can’t hurt yourself like that. You can’t…HanHan, you can’t do that to punish me…” JingYuan rasped.

YiHan understood every single word JingYuan said but put them together and YiHan’s lost. JingYuan said he loved him. He said their feelings were requited. How can it be? JingYuan just announced his engagement with his sister a few days ago. Now he says he loves him? What about his sister then?

If JingYuan truly loved him, then why must JingYuan marry his sister? Why didn’t JingYuan refuse his confession in the last life? Why did JingYuan leave their home, never to return? Was he hallucinating? YiHan clenched his hurt hand and dug his fingernails into the wound on his palm. Ouch. It hurts but the sight before him didn’t vanish like a hallucination would.

JingYuan heard nothing from YiHan. Worried, he looked up only to see YiHan staring back at him blankly. There was no disgust or hate in the other’s eyes like he thought. His heart skipped a beat. He thought back on what YiHan said before. YiHan said he was sorry. That he thought it was just a dream. That he wouldn’t bother him anymore.

JingYuan’s sombre heart skipped another two beats. Slowly, a shred of hope rose. He tried hard but he still wasn’t able to suppress the craving in him. “HanHan, do you hate me?” He carefully asked, protecting the last pieces of hope he still had.

YiHan dazedly shook his head. How can he hate JingYuan? The one being hated had always been him.

A light gleamed in JingYuan’s eyes. He tenderly shuffled closer until the two’s noses were about to touch each other.

Naturally, YiHan didn’t object to it. He just didn’t know what JingYuan was doing. He continued to stare back at JingYuan, confused and lost.

JingYuan slowly let out the breath he was holding in. He gently asked, “HanHan, are you angry with me?”

YiHan shook his head again. He was the one who seduced JingYuan. Why would he be angry?

JingYuan let out a sigh of relief once more. A hand slid down along YiHan’s arm and held the wrist of YiHan’s hurt hand. Nose to nose, he gently asked again, “Then can you tell me why you wanted to hurt yourself? Don’t you know how dangerous that was? You scared me to death.”

YiHan’s eyes were still spaced out. His pale lips opened and closed. Finally, he replied, “You’re going to be married to Sis soon. I don’t want to ruin your…You’ll hate me. I shouldn’t exist.”

JingYuan’s heart ached. “Who said you shouldn’t exist? I don’t even have time to fully love you. How can I hate you? Just what are you babbling about? As for the marriage between me and XueQing, that’s just an agreement. This…I can’t explain it clearly right now, but you only need to know that your sister knows about us. She even said she’ll help us just now,” JingYuan said in a tight voice.

Translator’s Note:

For the last week, Lucky Cat will be the theme.

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54. Going Where I Should Be

Warning: Still some self-blaming, but only for a paragraph or two.

HanHan was standing in the middle of a shard-covered floor with bare feet. Those lively eyes were dull and grey. A large glass shard, clutched by a slender fist, was heading straight for his neck.

JingYuan was so shocked, he yelled, “HanHan! What are you doing?”

YiHan flinched. Startled, he paused. He looked over to the bed and saw JingYuan jump up and charged straight for him with a face full of fear. The only thing ringing through his mind was: JingYuan’s awake!

YiHan’s pupils were blown wide and filled with terror. Unwittingly, he took a step backwards. The floor was covered in glass shards. His foot stepped right into them. Frightened, JingYuan screeched to a halt right at the edge of the shard pile. He raised his hands to show he’s not going to harm HanHan. He didn’t know what was going on with hi little one. He only knew the other wasn’t in the right state of mind. He absolutely cannot agitate HanHan now.

“What is it, HanHan? Hand me what you’re holding, okay? It’s dangerous,” JingYuan softly said.

Like a string of pearls that had just had the knot holding them together cut off, YiHan’s tears streamed down. He clutched the shard harder in his hand. Blood dripped down his palm and to the floor

“JingYuan, I’m sorry…” he said with a raspy, trembling voice. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to. I thought I was in a dream. I didn’t know it was real. Don’t be angry at me, please? I won’t bother you. Don’t worry. I know. I shouldn’t exist. It’ll be better if I don’t exist. You’ll all have a perfect life. I’ll…I’ll be going where I should be. Don’t be angry…” As he said so, he hurried raised the shard once more. He didn’t dare delay it any longer. He swiftly slashed it at his throat!

JingYuan shattered into pieces. Then, he didn’t have time to think about it anymore. He flew right over. Bare feet crunching on shattered glass, leaving bloody footprints behind. In one quick dashed, JingYuan grabbed the hand with the shard.

YiHan didn’t hold back this time. Even if his arm was caught at the last minute, the momentum still caused a gash to appear on his neck. A bead of eye-catching red dripped down, sunk into his robe and flowed into JingYuan’s heart.

JingYuan’s heart nearly leapt out of his throat. Sweat beaded on his forehead. His breath came out in heavy pants. His whole body was quivering. His bloodshot eyes bored into YiHan as the knuckles on the hand clutching on YiHan’s arm went white. He ignored the sharp edges of the shard cutting into his fingers and forcefully pulled that terrifying glass shard out and away!

Clink! A blood-covered glass shard was thrown onto the ground. JingYuan wrapped his arms around YiHan, carried him away from that danger zone in spite of YiHan’s struggling.

He placed YiHan on the bed and used his body to act as restraints on top of the other. His arms clung hard to YiHan’s upper body while his legs twined with YiHan’s to make sure the other couldn’t move.

The state of YiHan dunked the heart, that had been pickled in honey before sleep, right into the icy snow. All JingYuan could feel was a freezing chill running down his spine.

He bound YiHan tight to the bed. His eyes burning red. Finally, a teardrop burned its way down his cheek. Bitterness clogged up his throat. “HanHan, why must you do this? Is it because of last night? But everything was fine last night. You didn’t refuse me and kept calling out my name. I thought…I thought my feelings were requited. If…If you didn’t want to, why didn’t you push me away? I love you. I wouldn’t have forced you to.”

YiHan froze. He stopped struggling and laid limp on the bed.

Translator’s Note:

Why didn’t you push me away: Another fine example of something no-no in real life, but okay in this context because this fictional setting is the perfect ideal world where all factors are known to us. It sounds rather victim-blaming as the person asking would usually not understand/know all social/physical pressures that come with saying no to someone who’s capable of being a threat at any moment.

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53. Petrified

Warning: Some self-victim/slut shaming + start of a suicide attempt going on in here. Skip this chapter if this is too much for you. Just another emotional monologue here.

YiHan’s breath came out in panicked bursts. He sort of remembered what happened. He was the one who kissed JingYuan. He was the one who pounced into JingYuan’s embrace while wearing nothing. It was he who tried to strip JingYuan. When JingYuan lost control and went all out for him, he was the one who actively curled his arms and thighs around JingYuan!

So currently, what’s going on now was after JingYuan announced his engagement with his sister, YiHan went bed-rolling with his own brother-in-law and he was the one who seduced the other!

Why did this happen? Why isn’t it a dream? Bai YiHan, you ruined your sister’s marriage with JingYuan last time. You finally had a chance to start over, yet the wrongs you did were worse than last time!

Why is it like this? Are you that much of a slut? Do you crave it that much? You actually did that! How will you face your sister? Your parents? What would you say to…JingYuan who might wake up the very next moment?

When JingYuan woke up and realised he had relations with his future brother-in-law, just how angry and disgusted would he be? How would he look at you?

Think back on his reaction when you confessed to him in your past life!

As expected, your existence is just a nightmare for your relatives. You are the one person who least deserved to exist in this world!

Aaaaah! Why won’t you disappear? You’re died once. Why must you come back? Why do you still want to destroy your sister’s relationship with JingYuan? A dirty and foolish moron like you should just go to hell! Take this disgusting body with you and just go to hell! Why are you still alive? Why won’t you die?

YiHan’s eyes went wide. His chest frantically rose and fell. Static overwhelmed his mind, as if there were dozens of people just screaming into his ears at once. His face went deathly pale. He was drenched in cold sweat. His wide eyes dulled. His lips quivered. He agreed with the voice in his mind: yes, my existence is a disaster upon my family. I shouldn’t be alive. I should die. If I wasn’t here, everything will be perfect…

He pushed away his blanket with trembling hands and sat up. The burning sensation from his lower body and waist made him broke out in another round of cold sweat. As if he couldn’t feel it at all, he stumbled into a standing position and shuffled over to his closet. He put on a long sleeping robe. He can’t keep standing around naked. It’s too revolting. Too disgusting to look at. He must cover it up.

He carefully tied the robe close and walked into the bathroom. JingYuan had cleaned up inside. There was not a single sign of what happened last night. YiHan swept his dull eyes across the bathroom counters but didn’t find what he wanted, so he walked out again. He drifted around the room like a lost soul before he found what he needed.

He walked straight for the table and grabbed an empty bottle from it. With a hard swing, he smashed it against the edge of the table. The exquisitely crafted bottle shattered with a loud crash. He picked up the largest shard and slashed it down at his pulsing arteries.

JingYuan had been on the ready for anything to happen last night and he’d had to do some “hard work”, then he had a few rounds with his own hand at dawn due to the insatiable urge he couldn’t push down, plus he had to discuss future plans with XueQing. By the time he arrived back in the bedroom, fatigue hit him hard. He held his beloved little one close and drifted off into a sweet dream. Perhaps it was because he was too comfortable, he slept deeply. Even the noises YiHan made as he woke up and shambled around the room didn’t wake JingYuan. Until he was startled by a sharp crash.

The first thing he did when he opened his eyes was to look at his little one. He was afraid YiHan would be frightened by the sudden noise. When he realised he was the only on the bed, he looked up and a shocking sight petrified him!

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52. If This Isn’t a Dream

Downstairs, Ma was fretting. “Where did that girl drag JingYuan off to? They won’t even come down for food!”

FuRen patted his wife on the hand and gently said, “Let’s not worry too much over the children. They’re adults now. They won’t starve. Your body’s frail and you’ve been staying up the whole night. We know now HanHan’s fine. You can relax. Hurry up and eat something. Then, head back up and take a nap.”

Ma was pushed by her husband towards the dining table. “You’ve got to eat some while they’re warm too,” she said. “You’re getting old. You’re not a young man anymore.”

FuRen was touched by his wife’s concern. His smile deepened. He sat next to his wife. The two grabbed something to eat. There was a cosy atmosphere in the air.

Yan: …

I’ve long grown used to the daily showcase of their love, Yan thought to himself. “I Am Invisible” is a game I’ve played since I was a child. No pressure.

By then, XueQing had descended for some food. She told her parents there’s no need to call JingYuan down for food. He’s gone to sit with HanHan. After breakfast, the Bai parents and Aunt Yang stated they needed to take a nap due to their old age. XueQing had to recover from the wound of a “broken heart”. Yan grudgingly trekked to the office with his panda eyes.

When YiHan woke up, it was nearly noon. He slowly opened his heavy eyelids. He felt even more exhausted than if he’d just not slept. His body ached as if he’d just gone on a long marathon run. His bones felt as if they were barely hanging together.

He let out a soft moan and raised his hands to support his pounding head. His mind felt heavy, as if he’d just gotten blackout drunk. What’s going on?

Oh, right. He saw Feng Qun last night. He panicked and his mind was jumbled up. JingYuan took him home. They chatted for a bit. In a fit of panic, he’d chugged down half a bottle of liquor.

Then…he got drunk. He fell asleep and had a most wondrous wet dream! And the person featured in his dream was JingYuan!

Oh, gods! How will he be able to look JingYuan, the man who’s going to be his brother-in-law soon, in the eye? How could he look at his beloved sister without feeling ashamed? Thank goodness it was just a dream!

He sighed. He tried to get up but failed. One, none of his muscles listened to his commands. Two…someone was embracing him from behind. His entire being was locked into the embrace.

YiHan froze. He hurriedly turned and looked behind it. Phew. It’s JingYuan. That scared him.

It seemed like JingYuan stayed with him the whole night. Then, he fell asleep from fatigue. Only…you can sleep but this is a huge bed. Why must you squish in right next to him? He could even twitch in this tight hug!

YiHan moved away JingYuan’s arm across his waist. Carefully, he attempted to sit up. But as soon as his body twitched, he felt his senses exploding!

He was still groggy from having just woken up at the last attempt and he didn’t really move. So, he didn’t notice it. However, when he tried to sit up again, he could feel a burning pain coming from a certain hidden spot in his lower body. It’s the kind of ache that couldn’t be scratched or ignored. His thigh muscles were painfully sore as well. It was the feeling of muscles strained from long periods of time being pulled open.

After all he’d experienced in his last life, of course he knew what those feelings meant!

The body hidden inside the blanket should be buck naked. In that twitch, he could feel the blanket’s fabric sliding against his bare skin.

YiHan panted heavily. He peeled away a corner of the blanket. The tiny patch of skin he saw was filled with reddish, purplish kiss marks.

These were proof of what he’d been through last night. This was the Bai family mansion. There was no chance an outsider could’ve come in. The only people in this room were him and JingYuan. Along with the rather realistic wet dream he just remembered having, it wasn’t hard to imagine just what happened last night.

If what happened last night wasn’t a dream…

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