74. Moving

XiaoYu’s arms reached out into the air and stretched. A glance outside showed it to be another bright and sunny day. Perhaps it was from the great weather, perhaps it was because XiaoYu had finally let his emotions loose. XiaoYu felt like his body was lighter than ever. However, when he thought back to how he had bawled before QiYao yesterday, he had the urge to dig a hole and bury himself in it.

Today, he’ll have to organise his luggage and decide what to pack. XiaoYu surveyed his room. He opened up his closet and scanned it. He didn’t have a single clue on where to start.

This wasn’t like packing for a holiday or a camping trip. He wasn’t just packing for a few days. The number of days he’d be staying at QiYao’s place was an unknown number. So how much clothing should he pack?

As he was stuck pondering, his phone started ringing from the living room.

“Did I wake you up, XiaoYu?” QiYao was secretly calling XiaoYu in the middle of his busy workday from his private office. The reason’s simple. He missed XiaoYu. While waiting for XiaoYu to answer the call, he was wondering if it was too early for a call. Would he see XiaoYu with bed hair? What he was met with was a confused XiaoYu instead.

“No. I was awake for a while now,” replied XiaoYu.

“What are you doing? You’re frowning,” QiYao said, pointing to his own brows. XiaoYu looked troubled. Had he gone spiralling down in doubt again?

“Yeah, um…I don’t know what I should pack.”

“Hehe. You just need to prepare some of your own personal products. You can come back for something at any time if you want to after all.” QiYao didn’t mind making a few more trips. He could use those trips to help XiaoYu overcome his trauma.

“True.” It wasn’t like XiaoYu would never return, even if every trip out would be a huge hurdle for him. “Did you need me for something?” he asked.

“Nothing. I just miss you.”

“Hehe…” XiaoYu couldn’t help but feel bashful at how straightforward QiYao was.

“You haven’t forgotten about my braised pork, right?”

“No. I’ve already gotten the ingredients.”

“I look forward to it.”

QiYao’s stomach started complaining just then. It was near lunch break. However, when QiYao finally hung up, his eyes gradually hardened into a solemn gaze. The computer monitors before him were filled with numerous news articles on a single headline. Frankly, they can’t be called news. They were from last year.

As victims were protected by the law to an extent, their full name and photos were never publicly disclosed in the news. Thus, the XiaoYu in all these reports had been processed and altered. Still, if someone really wanted to, they could still recognise the figure being squished by a crowd of reporters as XiaoYu.  Unfortunately, the focus went from sympathy for the dead to a discussion of whether humanity should completely rely on automation for safety. This exploded into a great debate all over the world and the most direct victim of the incident, XiaoYu, quickly faded away from the public’s attention.

XiaoYu looked so much thinner in those articles than he did now. QiYao could just imagine just how much pressure XiaoYu was under, how much pain he was in, from those images.

“Ugh, Chief, you’re so scary when you look like you want to kill someone,” a voice rang out.

QiYao looked up and saw Lin Qiong leaning out from QiYao’s office entrance, his head peaking at him with his entire body hiding behind the door.

“Why didn’t you knock?” QiYao said.

“I’m innocent! I’ve been knocking and knocking but I heard nothing. I thought something happened to you.”

“What is it?”

“Let’s go have lunch.” When Qiong felt QiYao retract the serious air that had been bulldozing around the room, he merrily walked right in. He placed his palms on the office desk and leaned down. “Or do you want takeaway? From where?”

“Anything’s fine.” QiYao was feeling hungry before, but he wasn’t in the mood now.

“What is it?” Everyone was on their lunch break now and this morning went quite well. What could possibly make the Chief’s mood turn sour? Qiong was very curious.

“Qiong, don’t drive a black car tomorrow. Have the cars’ A.I. gone for their yearly checks yet?”

“Sure, and of course they have.”

“You have the afternoon off. Go get the car we’ll be using to fetch XiaoYu tomorrow checked again. Send the report to me tonight.”

“Huh?” Qiong didn’t feel any joy at having the afternoon off, rather he found QiYao’s orders weird.

“You would know sooner or later anyway. Come take a look,” QiYao sighed, leaning back on his chair.

“Isn’t this that infamous car accident from last year?” asked Qiong as he glanced at the articles displayed on the screens. The tragic scene of the accident, the street splattered with blood, images of a hospital and a court room, but the majority of the photos were of the same lanky figure.

“This…Is this…Could this be…?” Qiong muttered.

QiYao didn’t reply. He merely nodded.

“How can it be…?” Qiong could never have thought of it. The kind and stiff child they met in the game would have met such a tragedy in reality.

*****

At five in the afternoon, the doorbell to XiaoYu’s home rang.

When the door opened, QiYao was stunned by how homely the apron clad XiaoYu looked. Warmth filled QiYao’s heart. Was this what home felt like?

“The pork still needs to cook for a while longer. You can watch the television while waiting, Yao.”

“Mn.”

QiYao might’ve given an affirmative reply, but he didn’t obediently sit down before the television. Instead, he leaned against the door frame to the kitchen with his arms crossed and silently watch XiaoYu’s busy figure.

“Hm? Aren’t you going to watch the television?”

“No. I’m okay just watching you.”

“…>//<” Alright. XiaoYu still wasn’t used to how upfront QiYao was with his flirting.

“Do you need my help with anything?”

“Hm…help me set the table.”

“Okay.”

It might just be an ordinary part of daily life, but dinner had turned into something so much more interesting with someone by his side.

QiYao didn’t stay that night either. After he confirmed with XiaoYu what luggage he had and thoroughly lay out the schedule for tomorrow’s move, he left. He too had to arrange for XiaoYu’s room in his home.

XiaoYu’s stuff were minimal, just a few personal hygiene supplies and a few sets of clothing. The gaming pod would be moved by professional movers tomorrow. Most of the move was settled. The only thing left was how XiaoYu would handle walking out the door.

****

The next day.

“All ready?” asked QiYao.

The gaming pod had already been picked up. Soon, Qiong had called to inform them he was downstairs. This simple move was finally at the hardest step of all.

“…yes,” XiaoYu hesitantly replied. He just had a breakdown the day before yesterday. It was impossible for him to say he was absolutely over it.

“I’ll take the boxes down first. You do the final checks.” QiYao wasn’t in a hurry to force XiaoYu forward. He gave XiaoYu some time and space to slowly get used to the idea of actually moving out.

“Hm? Where’s Xiao-Yu, Chief?” The assistant of a certain someone moving boxes down the stairs quickly stepped out of the car to help, naturally. Qiong had spent a while in the car steadying himself for the meeting with Xiao-Yu, imagining just how the other would react. In the end, Qiong had yet to spot the shadow of the figure he was hoping to see.

“Give him some time.”

“Oh.” Yesterday, Qiong had roughly understood XiaoYu’s condition. He too knew that psychological issues were hard to resolve. Why else would there be so many different kinds of perverts and insane people running about still? Of course, his cute little brother didn’t belong in that category.

Qiong thought they would have to wait a long while. He didn’t think the real LuckyCat would appear before his eyes barely two minutes after the exchange. He couldn’t help but sigh at that. This kid hadn’t collected himself at all.

XiaoYu wasn’t used to having people waiting for him. This was why he’d arrive at any gatherings early. After QiYao left, he didn’t dawdle at all. He made the final checks on all the switches, taps and valves, took a few deep breaths, and walked out.

It must be said that when XiaoYu stood next to these two over-185-cm-tall men, his height was relegated to the “third-rate useless” category. However, there was a benefit to this. With these two towering guardians, they blocked the car behind them mostly from sight. It’s why XiaoYu’s legs didn’t instantly turn to jelly.

“Big Brother Lin?” While QiYao did tell him I_Am_A_Poor_Man – Lin Qiong in real life – would be driving them today, Lin Qiong looked drastically different to his rather fragile healer avatar. He was dressed in a sharp business suit with his hair slicked and style with not a single strand out of place. The only thing missing was a large sign written all over Qiong’s face stating, “I’m part of the elite”.

“Hey, Xiao-Yu. Can’t recognise your dear brother Lin?”

“Hehe. A little, but now I’m sure about it.” The moment XiaoYu heard that familiar voice, he was 100% sure this man before him was I_Am_A_Poor_Man.

“Give me your bag.” See. This is what they call a talented assistant. When it was time to cut the chatter and just do the work, he would never waste his breath.

“Ah, thanks.”

“Let’s go,” QiYao said. He turned around to head down to the next step when a hand clamped down tight on his arm.

When Qiong took XiaoYu’s bag and turned to the car, the previously blocked car was now halfway revealed. Then, QiYao turned too. Without his two guardians to protect him, even if it was just a parked silver car that had no chance of hurting anyone, XiaoYu’s heart froze and he instinctively held onto QiYao.

QiYao looked back and saw XiaoYu’s eyes stuck on his beloved car. He knew psychological traumas weren’t that easily cured. At least XiaoYu just grabbed his arm with quivering hands instead of collapsing from wobbly legs just like two days ago. As expected, the greatest thing haunting XiaoYu’s mind was a black car. Regrettably, that colour’s very popular with the masses. It seemed like they’ve got some ways to go before XiaoYu could walk on the streets without a care.

“Can you walk?”

“I’ll…try.” Holding onto QiYao was XiaoYu’s last sign of weakness. Someone as stubborn as he wouldn’t ask for help unless he had no other choice. He had to walk out with his own two legs.

XiaoYu slowly moved his right leg forward a few centimetres. His foot was uncontrollably shivering but it was planted solidly on the floor. Then, he slowly shifted his left forward.

In the eyes of someone else, it was just a simple step. To XiaoYu, this was the most important step in him turning around and facing his mental trauma. The few times he left home and saw a car, his feet felt like they were nailed to the ground. They wouldn’t even shuffle. The common ending to those encounters would be his legs giving way and he’d be sitting on the pavement.

The entire journey from the steps to the car was spent in silence. QiYao didn’t even reach out to help support XiaoYu. He just walked beside XiaoYu, but all XiaoYu needed to know was the other man would be by his side. His loved one silently paying attention to him and following beside him were the greatest motivators for him to keep moving. He could even feel a never-ending stream of strength coming from the arm he was grasping.

XiaoYu didn’t know his tiny step shocked QiYao and Qiong to the core. While they knew psychological problems were complicated and hard, but it was one thing to know that and another to see that with their own eyes. Seeing how hard it was to take this tiny step, they now didn’t even dare to think just how XiaoYu survived the past year or so all alone.

XiaoYu gritted his teeth and prepared to take his second step with quivering feet. QiYao nearly couldn’t resist reaching out and embrace him, but he still held it in. He knew that he needed to be a little “cruel” right now. This was the best way to convey his respect to his loved one who was currently doing his best to overcome his own issues.

QiYao and Qiong were both focused on watching XiaoYu. Just then, XiaoYu heard an alarming sound. He looked up and his eyes went wide.

“Look out, Brother Lin!”

A black car was driving past behind Qiong. To be honest, there was nothing dangerous about the entire situation because Qiong was standing by the door on the driver’s side while the black car drove past by the passenger’s side.

Thus, nothing would happen. If an outsider witnessed it, they might be wondering what XiaoYu was babbling about.

However, to XiaoYu, the black car drove by before him and someone he knew was standing very, very close to it. This was his greatest nightmare. He really cannot bear it if someone else was smashed into pieces right before his eyes again.

XiaoYu’s foot had finally descended to the next step, but then all of his courage scattered at this sudden change. Luckily, QiYao had quick reflexes. XiaoYu went from falling to the ground to falling into QiYao’s embrace.

Qiong initially wondered why he would be suddenly spooked by XiaoYu before he quickly realised what happened was an accidental recreation of something extremely horrifying to XiaoYu.

“Don’t be scared, XiaoYu. I’m right by you,” QiYao coaxed, his arms tight around XiaoYu who had been shivering this entire time. He knew what had happened actually made XiaoYu think back to the worst and most cruel memory of his life. He rather regretted this now. Perhaps he shouldn’t have pushed XiaoYu so hard at the start. He should’ve made better and more thorough plans to help XiaoYu.

“I’m fine, Xiao-Yu. See. Your Big Brother Lin is still here.” Qiong once thought that no matter what happened, he could deal with it. But this whole matter made Qiong panic. All he could do was run over to pat XiaoYu.

“I’m sorry…” XiaoYu’s voice was still trembling. He wanted to calm down. He knew Lin Qiong wasn’t in any danger, but he was unable to control his body’s instinctive reaction.

“It’s fine. It’s not your fault,” said QiYao, kissing XiaoYu on the forehead. It was the first time he’d ever realised just how powerless he truly was. He was unable to stop his precious one’s shivers at all.

Through a series of glances, Qiong asked QiYao what they should do next. The latter looked down at the young man in his arms. XiaoYu had done very well today. As for the rest, leave it all to him, XiaoYu’s somewhat unprofessional lover.

“XiaoYu, close your eyes. Relax. Hand everything over to me, okay?” asked QiYao, his hand gently patting XiaoYu on the back.

XiaoYu looked at and saw no impatience in QiYao’s eyes at all, just an endless well of warmth. He quietly closed his eyes and nodded.

QiYao lifted XiaoYu into a bridal carry and gestured for Qiong to open the car door with his eyes. His assistant immediately understood the glance.

Even with his eyes closed, XiaoYu could feel himself being carried over to and into the car. His body stiffened. Fear swelled in him. He tried to tamp it down and while it was a little uncontrollable, it wouldn’t make him panic at least. Because QiYao was by his side this entire time. The other man had stood by the promise he made two days ago that he’d never abandon him. This made him regain some sense of safety and some of the courage that had fled him.

No one said a word on the drive to QiYao’s mansion. Qiong dialled back his usual devil-may-care attitude and solemnly controlled the automated car. He hoped that this might slightly alleviate some of XiaoYu’s fear. As for QiYao’s duty, he was to hold his precious one tight through the entire journey and provide the greatest sense of safety possible to XiaoYu.

Translator’s Note:

Spiralling down in doubt: The literal translation is “drilling horns”. If it was translated as an adjective, it could be translated as “pessimistic”. The slang is usually used as an adjective/action for/of someone who would think about issues from their own past experiences (usually negative) and would overthink on it so much that train of thought would be up until they’ve gotten completely off-topic (based on a petty/trivial/minor point) and are unable to extract themselves from that train of thought.

◄Previous •Index• Next►

73. Snatched Back to Lair

What happened next was not the common scene found in novels, movies or TV shows, that dramatic clichéd scene were the two protagonists would comfort each other to the bed. Because QiYao thought that act would be taking advantage of  XiaoYu, it’d be like robbing someone while their house was on fire, especially since his XiaoYu was still a rather naive kid. He was easily embarrassed by anything regarding emotions or relationships. He needed to be slowly guided to such acts.

“Sorry. I dirtied your shirt.” After a long time, XiaoYu could finally wrestle his emotions back into control. However, he still didn’t dare to look up. His eyes must look like the eyes of a certain long-eared animal right now.

“It’s fine.” QiYao lightly patted the head buried in his embrace. If XiaoYu knew the shirt he’d cried all over on cost a few thousand Earth Dollars, who knew how this stubborn little guy would beat himself over for that.

“I’ll help you wash it.”

“Hehe. XiaoYu, do you plan on making me head out shirtless in a jacket like some middle-aged man?”

“Ugh…”

“You can help me wash it next time.”

“Oh,” XiaoYu dazedly replied. He couldn’t think of any other solutions off the top of his head. He also didn’t realise the question hidden within QiYao’s statement.

“XiaoYu, can I come over tomorrow?”

“Yeah, you can.”

“But I have to head into office during the day. I’ll only be able to come over in the evening. Do you know how to cook red-braised pork?”

“Okay…yes?” XiaoYu found it a little hard to keep up with QiYao’s train of thought. Why were they talking about food all of a sudden? “I know how to cook that,” he said.

“I would to eat red-braised pork cooked by you tomorrow.”

“Okay. Anything else you’d like to eat?”

“Not for now. If anything pops into my mind, I’ll tell you.”

“Okay.”

“XiaoYu, what if you spoil my stomach? What if I can never eat food cooked by anyone else again? What then?”

“Uh…I’m not that amazing. They’re just ordinary home-cooked dishes.”

“The taste of home is more than enough. My parents are always working overseas. It’s been so long since anyone cooked for me.”

“…” Perhaps QiYao was a lonely man too, a voice in XiaoYu whispered.

“Hey, XiaoYu,” QiYao called. A thought suddenly popped up in his mind.

“Hm?”

“Let’s live together.”

“Huh?” XiaoYu didn’t know what to say to that.

“That way we can take care of each other. Or do you mean to say you’d prefer me running back and forth?”

“But…” XiaoYu replied, shaking his head. “I don’t know where we should stay?”

“If it’s possible, I hope you can move over to my place. That’s because I have a lot of documents and references in my study room. I’m just worried you can’t bear to leave here.”

During the afternoon, XiaoYu had shown QiYao around his home. It was a normal apartment with two bedrooms and one living room. In the beginning, QiYao found it slightly curious. The larger room should belong to XiaoYu’s parents, so why did XiaoYu say he lived alone? Everything only clicked after XiaoYu told him about everything that night. That room should be filled with this family’s memories. Even if QiYao moved in, he shouldn’t take that room for himself.

“But I can’t go out.”

“XiaoYu, tell me. Do you want to go out?”

“I do.”

“Then, how about using my visit as an opportunity to try walking outside? I’ll be with you.”

“…okay,” XiaoYu eventually said after a long pause. QiYao said he would never leave him alone. He trusted the other man, but he shouldn’t be selfish and just rely on QiYao, trouble QiYao, while doing nothing himself. If possible, XiaoYu wanted to walk out and bathe in real sunlight. He wanted to walk hand-in-hand with QiYao through all the cities of the world, just like in AO.

“That’s settled it then. Let’s use these few days to pack up and clean this place up.”

“Mn.”

“XiaoYu,” QiYao said, pulling back slightly from XiaoYu. His hands rose and rested on XiaoYu’s cheeks, enveloping those jaws with warmth. His heart ached at the sight of XiaoYu’s red eyes. He leaned down and gently kissed the other man. “Trust in me. I’ll help you overcome this trauma.”

“I trust you.”

“Well, I’ll be heading back home. Rest well. We’ll start packing up tomorrow.”

“Okay.”

When QiYao picked up his jacket and starting to put it on, XiaoYu suddenly felt like he didn’t want the other man to go. He’ll admit it. He had completely fallen for QiYao. He loved QiYao. He wanted to cook QiYao’s favourite dishes for him. He wanted to do his best to overcome the mental issues within him for QiYao. He wanted to always be with QiYao. This was probably what they called love.

“What is it, XiaoYu? Can’t bear to see me go?” QiYao teased upon seeing XiaoYu staring blankly at him.

“Mn,” XiaoYu unwittingly replied with a nod. Then, he immediately realised he had accidentally shown what he was thinking. He panicked. His eyes shifted around, not knowing what they should be looking at instead.

How could his XiaoYu be so cute? QiYao shouted internally. This was against the rules!

“Open your mouth,” QiYao said.

“Hm? Mmgh…” Before XiaoYu could react, he was kissed once more. Right before his instinct made his lips purse together, something soft broke through his defences and started pillaging.

Tongues twisted and danced together. XiaoYu had never experienced a kiss such as this before. Wave after wave of spine-chilling tremors tingled through him. He anxiously clutched tight at the front of QiYao’s jacket, terrified that his weak legs would crumble and slide.

“Huff. Huff. Huff…” Finally, QiYao let XiaoYu go. The latter began to gasp and pant, fervently replenishing his oxygen supply.

“Silly boy. Next time, remember to breathe with your nose,” QiYao said, patting XiaoYu on the back to help the other calm down. QiYao’s desire to get this natural ditz back to his own lair as quickly as possible grew stronger.

“I’m fine now, Yao. Head back and rest up early. You still have work tomorrow.”

“Will you be lonely? Are you sure you don’t need me to stay?”

“It’s fine. I’m not a kid anymore.”

“You say you’re not a kid, yet you clearly couldn’t bear to part with me,” QiYao said, his finger lightly tapping the tip of XiaoYu’s nose.

“Hehe…” XiaoYu chuckled, shyly ducking his head.

“But, that’s fine. We’ll soon be able to live together.”

“Mn.”

XiaoYu walked with QiYao down to the apartment block gates. Thankfully, no car passed by this time. Otherwise, the “tragedy” from that afternoon would be repeated.

“Drive safely, Yao.”

“Okay,” said QiYao, giving XiaoYu a goodbye kiss on the forehead. Then, a mischievous thought struck him. He leaned down to XiaoYu’s ear and continue, “XiaoYu, remember to leave your mouth open for our future kisses, just like back then.”

“Aah…!” >////<

****

When QiYao reached home, it was nearly XiaoYu’s bedtime. So, he just called the other to tell XiaoYu he was safely home. Then, he called his talented assistant.

“Well, Chief?” Qiong Lin near-shouted into the phone. His eyes had nearly transformed into a pair of blinking stars at the sight of QiYao. He’d been praying and wishing the whole day for this call.

“…I didn’t ask about the gathering.” QiYao had forgotten about this whole matter. He only just remembered he was supposed to ask XiaoYu about it.

“Ugh! Then do you know why Xiao-Yu can’t come?”

“Hm…” QiYao could recall the pain and bitterness he could feel from XiaoYu as he described everything in a seemingly nonchalant tone.

“It really is because of some bad news.” QiYao’s serious face clued the smart Qiong in on how tragic the story hiding behind this whole matter would be.

“Yes. Either way, I’ll be heading back to XiaoYu’s home tomorrow. I’ve already convinced him to move in with me in a few days.”

“…! Chief, that’s godlike speed!” The first time Chief visited, he immediately snatched the other up and even have the other tied up with a bow, waiting to be taken back home. This was definitely not something just anybody can do.

“Qiong, I might not be able to drive on that day. You’ll need to come fetch us.”

“Okay, no problem.” He could even meet up with XiaoYu in real life.

“No matter what you see then, I hope you won’t ask XiaoYu about it too much,” QiYao solemnly said to his best friend across the internet.

“I got it.” Qiong could sense that, perhaps, he wasn’t far from the truth.

Translator’s Note:

Red-braised pork: Also called Shanghai-style braised pork. A name that’s more accurate: caramelised braised pork. Lightly boiled, seared then braised in diluted caramel. Usual seasoning used are garlic, star anise and maybe Sichuan peppers.

• 

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◄Previous •Index• Next►

72. Trauma

QiYao didn’t head back into the kitchen to bother XiaoYu after the kiss. He knew continuing would lead to no dinner.

XiaoYu could now cook in peace but he tended to think a lot when alone with no distractions. Thus, as he slowly chopped up his vegetables, his mind turned back to the question he was pondering earlier today.

He thought he could use these four days of living in reality, away from the warmth he found in the game, to properly consider whether he should continue this relationship with QiYao. However, QiYao’s sudden arrival turned that plan on its head. The man brought the cosiness from the virtual world to real life.

All of this made XiaoYu’s mind lean more towards continue dating QiYao, but he understood deep down that the greatest obstacle in this path was his secret. Even if QiYao said he wouldn’t force him to spill,  if the circumstances were turned around and QiYao was obviously keeping a secret from him, he would feel rather uncomfortable dating the man, maybe even be upset with QiYao.

But XiaoYu had experienced being bombarded and swarmed by well-meaning media before. He knew that peeling away the scab would only hurt him. He reminded himself over and over back then. Don’t ever say anything to anyone about it. Tell no one.

That was why there was a tiny voice in him that kept telling him to “not tell QiYao about it”. Now, however, now he had an urge to tell QiYao about it all. He wanted this relationship to be transparent. He just didn’t know when to speak up or how.

Perhaps his hesitation made him miss a good chance to open up time and again. He hated being so weak, so he made up his mind. He won’t be lost in the fog anymore. He’ll find a chance to tell QiYao about everything.

Having made his decision, XiaoYu focused on the blade in his hand. He actually didn’t cut himself at all after all that thinking. Amazing.

***

Three ordinary home-cooked dishes with a bowl of soup. While they didn’t look as grand or exquisite as something cooked from a professional kitchen, the homely scent topped all other food.

QiYao placed a slice of tomato omelette and placed it in his mouth, slowly savouring its flavours. He then looked up to find XiaoYu standing to a side, nervously staring down at him.

“It’s delicious, XiaoYu.”

“Phew. That’s good,” XiaoYu said in relief. He tried hard to remember just how much salt and sugar he should put in, but everyone had different preferences. Since QiYao can accept this, that meant it was a success.

“Don’t just stand there. Come eat with me.”

“Mn.”

The meal was spent in silence, but both men were equally moved by it. It had been so long since any of them had a meal with someone at home. XiaoYu knew it had been over a year for him. As for QiYao, he couldn’t remember.

Ever since he moved out of his home, he would regularly eat out with his friends or get takeaway. Even before when he lived with his brother, the two of them rarely ever cooked themselves. They would either eat meals made by a hired cook or order takeaway. Meals were just a way for them to replenish their energy. Occasions where a loved one would cook for them were near improbable.

After this meal, QiYao wanted to treasure this kid even more. XiaoYu had brought too much light to his life for XiaoYu to be gone ever.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          

***

Clean up after their dinner was much simpler. XiaoYu just had to put everything in the dishwasher. The machine will automatically clean them. When XiaoYu confirmed the dishwasher had started its cycle without issues, he stood up and looked over to the living room where QiYao was watching the television once more. However, the only shows to be found after dinner were boring and repetitive variety shows. The man hopped from one channel to another then to another and another.

Was this a good chance for a talk? XiaoYu wasn’t sure, but he had finally mustered up the courage to speak. Who knew when the next time he’d have the strength to open up would be?

“Yao…” XiaoYu said as he walked over to QiYao, successfully attracting the other man’s attention.

“Yes?” QiYao asked with a questioning gaze.

“I’ve something to tell you.”

QiYao’s hand on the remote control paused. He sensed that what came next would be important.

“I’ve thought about this a lot. I have to tell you. That way, you can properly evaluate whether you want to continue this relationship with me,” said XiaoYu. His heart ached at the last sentence. His hands instinctively twisted and squeezed the bottom of his shirt. He was afraid. Afraid QiYao would think he was a cowardly idiot. Afraid QiYao would take back what he said. But he didn’t want a paper wall to stand between them anymore.

XiaoYu’s fidgeting betrayed his insecurity. It made QiYao’s heart hurt. He turned off the television and stood up. Then, he pulled XiaoYu into a tight embrace. He hoped his actions could give the other man strength.

XiaoYu hands curled around QiYao’s back. He loved this warm and cosy hug that always made him feel safe. It’s also because of this hug that he hoped he could be found worthy of it.

“I…I’ve never told this to anyone before. It might be a messy story.”

“It’s okay.” QiYao gently kissed the uneasy head in his arms. He knew what he needed to do now was to listen.

XiaoYu took in a deep breath. He arranged the messy thoughts in his mind before deciding to just start from the reason.

“I’m afraid of the cars outside.”

That was way out of QiYao’s expectation. Still, he kept quiet and continued listening.

“My parents died in a car crash caused by a car going out of control…” The thought still brought pain to XiaoYu, even to this day. “It happened right…before my eyes.”

“From then on, whenever I see a car, my legs would start shaking. They would go limp. This afternoon, I wanted to try walking outside, but a few minutes before you arrived, a black car passed by. I immediately collapsed. No matter what I did, I couldn’t stand up. I know there’s nothing wrong with my legs, but I just can’t push past the fear.”

XiaoYu understood just a few sentences could describe his issue, but the pain and suffering behind it all was something no words could explain. How could anyone who hadn’t personally experienced it understand how he felt? This thought was what made him keep quiet and bear it all.

XiaoYu inhaled and continued, “I’m sorry, Yao. I didn’t mean to keep refusing your invitations, but I certainly can’t go out like this.”

“Silly billy, you don’t have to keep apologising. I never once blamed you, right? Because I knew you had to have a reason for it.” Only, not even QiYao could’ve imagined just why.

QiYao had considered many possibilities. It could be family issues or physical limitations. The only option he never thought of was a mental trauma. That’s because there were plenty of methods of dealing with the previous two options. Even if XiaoYu was terminally ill, with how advanced the medical field was these days, all “fatal illnesses” could be cured if you had the cash for it.

On the other hand, psychology was still a very much mysterious and unexplored field. The development of mental traumas, their symptoms and the way to treat them were all heavily dependent on the patient and the doctor. It was very hard to have a 100% definite resolution.

“T-Then…will you…be willing to keep dating me?” XiaoYu stammered. He was terrified of hearing “no”.

When QiYao heard XiaoYu’s voice trembling, his arms tightened around further. He really wanted to just put this little idiot in his pouch so they could be together at all times.

“XiaoYu, do I make you that insecure?” QiYao asked.

“No,” XiaoYu replied, shaking his head. “I just felt you wouldn’t be the time to like cowards.”

“You’re right. I don’t like cowards.” When QiYao felt the body in his arms stiffen up, he continued, “But I have never ever felt you were a coward, XiaoYu. On the contrary, I think you’re a very strong man.”

“But…I don’t even dare to step out of my own home.”

“It’s not that you don’t have the courage to. You tried this afternoon, didn’t you?” Now that QiYao knew the reason behind that, he planned on using his own way of slowly leading XiaoYu to getting around the issue. “XiaoYu, you just can’t go out alone because no one can help you up when you fall. But you don’t have to worry now. With me by your side, I would never leave you alone.”

“Never…leave me alone?” XiaoYu dazedly repeated.

QiYao couldn’t have imagined just how big of an impact those words had on XiaoYu. All the pain, loneliness and helplessness XiaoYu had felt since his parents’ deaths all surged up at once. He had clearly told himself that men can’t cry, but his tears kept flowing like water rushing out of a dam. It was an uncontrollable and endless torrent.

“Yes, XiaoYu. You’re not alone anymore because we will always be together.” QiYao was going to continue saying how he’d help XiaoYu overcome his trauma, but he could feel his shirt getting wet. And so, he swallowed those words back to give XiaoYu some time to let loose.

QiYao didn’t think it was shameful for men to cry, especially when he knew XiaoYu had been suppressing his emotions for a very long time. Releasing those emotions might be helpful to the other’s mental health.

Translator’s Notes:

1. Tomato Omelette: Technically, tomato fried egg. More accurate translation, scrambled eggs with tomato. Actual texture, omelette cooked with tomatoes diced/sliced and mixed in. One of the most common dishes in a Chinese home (Asian? Not too sure on other cultures). This is usually one of the first dishes one learns because it’s easy and nutritious. There’s not much skill to it as it’s just premix everything in a bowl and when it’s being cooked on the wok/pan, just move it around so it doesn’t stick to the bottom. Depending on the chef, it’ll either come out looking like an omelette or scrambled eggs.
2. Kid: It’s seriously hard to not make XiaoYu sound like some minor. “Kid” and “child” are used so often by others that it’s hard to remember he’s actually an adult. Losing original writing tone + adding own words vs making sure nothing illegal happens = struggle some BL translators have to deal with.
3. Embrace: The number of hugs there are in the recent chapters have seriously challenged the limits of how many ways I can phrase a hug taking place. Still, hugging is good, guys. Just not now or whenever you’re sick. Use elbow bumps, the dorky equivalent that’s been constantly advertised in conventions.

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71. Kiss…

“XiaoYu, do you live alone?” QiYao asked. When they were done kissing, he’d locked XiaoYu, who was about to go up in smokes from embarrassment, in his arms for a session of gentle soothing.

“Yes.”

“You cook?”

“A little.”

“I want to try out your cooking, if there’s a chance. Can I?”

“Sure. What do you like?”

“Anything’s fine. I’m not picky.”

“Oh.”

“Do you have anything on tonight?”

“Hm? No.”

“There’s a restaurant nearby with great reviews. Have you been there before? Interested?” While QiYao knew XiaoYu might not like talking about going out, he still asked. Now that his relationship with XiaoYu was confirmed, he wanted to at least know why the other was running away from reality. If it was possible, he hoped to help XiaoYu walk out of this stage of his life.

“…I can’t go out,” XiaoYu dejectedly reply. “I’m sorry,” he added.

Just as QiYao thought.

He raised XiaoYu’s head up. Their eyes met. XiaoYu couldn’t see an ounce of dissatisfaction in his eyes at the refusal. That handsome face was still soft with kindness.

“XiaoYu, I really do want to know why.” QiYao paused. XiaoYu was visibly troubled by his words. The other’s eyes kept avoiding his. “But,” he continued, “I like you. So I won’t force you to do anything you don’t like.”

“Thank you,” XiaoYu replied.

“Do you remember what I said? If there’s anything you need to vent about, you can come to me.”

“Mn.” XiaoYu still remembered how grateful he was at the offer.

“The offer still stands, but now I hope you can look at me first for support. Otherwise, I must be a failure as a boyfriend.”

“Hehe. Okay.” XiaoYu let out a laugh at the QiYao’s doe eyes and cutesy tone.

“But now I don’t have any dinner. How do you plan to compensate me, XiaoYu?” If anyone else saw QiYao acting so entitled, they would definitely pinch themselves to make sure they weren’t dreaming. However, QiYao himself didn’t seem to realise that. He just exposed his childish side to the one he loved without any care.

“Then…I’ll cook for you?”

“Mn. I look forward to it.” No day was better than today. QiYao really wanted to taste XiaoYu’s cooking. It must be known that there were so few people these days who knew how to cook.

“I haven’t cooked in a while though. It might taste a little weird.” The noodles XiaoYu had cooked up this morning was so salty he had to down a few glasses of water straight after. It seemed like his days spent in AO had affected his reality.

“It’s fine. If I end up with food poisoning, you’ll just have to take care of me for the rest of our lives.” XiaoYu’s strait-laced and honest personality always made the prankster in QiYao perk up.

“Um…” Why does that feel a little, just a little bit, unreasonable? XiaoYu slightly pursed his lips.

 “Hehe. Your cooking won’t be that bad.” Still, QiYao wasn’t joking about being with XiaoYu for the rest of their lives. “But, XiaoYu, what I mean is I want to be with you forever. Don’t ever lightly take back the chance you gave me, please?”

“Yes.” While QiYao loved pranking and teasing him, there were so many more things QiYao had done, had said, that moved him much more. Perhaps that was why XiaoYu decided to try dating QiYao. Now, he had fallen prey to the same emotions QiYao did.

XiaoYu hugged QiYao. He wanted them to go on like this forever too. Day after day, he understood more of what it meant to love someone.

****

Thonk. Thonk. Thonk. Thonk…

An apron thrown over his clothes, XiaoYu was busy fluttering about in the kitchen.

QiYao was watching the television in the living room all alone, but his mind wasn’t on the screen. He’d occasionally turn around to look at XiaoYu cooking. A sticky-sweet feeling of happiness swelled in him at the sight. Maybe the love he was looking for wasn’t the romantic and passionate kind. Maybe what he wanted was this type of tranquil and cosy slice-of-life love.

“Ah,” XiaoYu exclaimed. All his attention had been on the vegetables he was rinsing. Out of the blue, a warm body leaned against his back. A pair of strong arms wrapped around his waist.

“Did I frighten you?” The prankster didn’t sound remorseful at all. In fact, there was an underlying hint of devilish joy in the question.

“I’m okay. What is it, Yao?” XiaoYu curiously asked. The other man should be occupied with the television. Why did he run in here all of a sudden?

“Nothing much. This just feels like we were just newly-wedded,” QiYao replied as he placed his chin on XiaoYu’s shoulder, his arms clenching tighter around the man in his arms. No one else in the world could understand how satisfied and content he felt right then.

Splash!

The vegetables XiaoYu was holding fell into the rinsing basin. Blood could be visibly seen swiftly rising up from his neck and spreading across his face. W-What did Yao say? Why did the other man think of newly-weds?

QiYao let out a sigh in his mind. His XiaoYu was just too shy. At the same time, he was thankful that such an innocent child was his. He’ll have to thank XiaoYu’s parents for keeping his beloved so well protected.

“Um…Yao…?” XiaoYu was shaken out of his thoughts by the sound of water rushing into and overflowing out of the wash basin. He stared down at the water flowing down the drain as he remembered something important.

“Hm?”

“I can’t cook now. =.=” This time, it was XiaoYu who had to resort to a childlike tone. He hadn’t finished rinsing these vegetables yet and he hadn’t cut those he had just finished washing. He still had to heat up the wok with oil…But there was now a large dog slumped on him. He couldn’t move at all.

“Hehe. Then, kiss me.”

XiaoYu was rendered speechless by that. He suddenly felt like questioning the other man. Was he really Hei QiYao? Why was he so different to his in-game behaviour? Why was he constantly acting like a kid now? Wait, no. Recently, whenever the two of them were alone, QiYao would act like this too. Was this his true nature?

He obediently turned his head around to kiss QiYao on the cheek, but the man moved at the last minute and the kiss landed on the other’s lips. Shocked, XiaoYu was about to move away when he found a hand pressed against the back of his head. There was no way he was escaping this kiss.

XiaoYu was still used to kissing with closed lips, but this kiss felt different. QiYao was constantly nipping and licking at his lips. A numbing chill ran down his spine. His legs might not hold him.

“XiaoYu, remember to open your mouth next time we kiss,” QiYao said, a finger tapping at his own lips. Then, he happily strolled out of the kitchen and back to the television, leaving behind XiaoYu who was still feeling confused over the strange feeling he felt and what QiYao said.

Translator’s Notes:

1. Doe eyes/Cutesy tone: These were supposed to be “innocent” eyes and tone, but that doesn’t translate well. This is my best attempt at translating what the “innocent” refers to, aka the eyes and voice used by cute little “innocent” kids/pretending to be “innocent”.

2. Entitled: Technically, the translation is an adjective for “blaming someone else out of laziness/non-virtuous reason”. A negative adjective usually used for sleezy bums and entitled people (seen as positive at times because it’s “cute” like a kid throwing a tantrum/being stubborn on wanting the thing).

3. Rinsing basin: Some readers might not get what it is, so I’ve placed an image here to properly draw out what this is. Commercially called a wash basin, it’s usually made of plastic and are used to “wash” vegetables free of the dirt hiding in between stalks. Some readers might think it’s a strainer, but it’s not. It usually doesn’t have holes. If it does, it’ll come with an option to keep the water in/block the holes. This method saves more water as the tap doesn’t have to be kept running. Some people also think it’s better for the vegetables as running water bombarding the vegetables throughout the process might ruin/wilt the vegetables. Obviously, XiaoYu here is not part of that group of people.

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70. Blackie Arrives

QiYao stared down at his phone in confusion. No one was answering XiaoYu’s phone. Did he remember the wrong number?

His flashy blue sports car was stopped before he could even enter the residential area. The security guards told him to park at the automated underground carpark on the other side of the road. No outside cars were allowed within the area unless they’d been given special permission. While he thought that rule was rather nonsensical, QiYao was too lazy to argue with them. He turned his car around and parked at the building he’d been pointed to.

When the security guards saw QiYao driving his flashy car away, they all let out a huge sigh of relief. It was their freaking first time seeing such a high-class car. If anything happened to it within the area, a tiny scratch or whatever, not even all of their salaries combined would be enough to pay for the damage! It was safer to shoo the car away.

With the small cake in hand, QiYao walked back over and into the area XiaoYu lived in. He dug his phone out from his pockets. He was going to call the other and inform XiaoYu he had arrived, but he never thought the phone would be left ringing non-stop. QiYao was very confident in his memory, so he merely thought XiaoYu was too busy to answer at the moment.

QiYao slipped his phone back into his pocket and followed the road signs to the apartment block XiaoYu lived in. Along the way, he observed the residential area and its conditions – slightly old-schooled but very clean and quiet. After this turn, he should arrive at XiaoYu’s place.

Far off in the distance, QiYao could see someone crouched down before the apartment block’s metal gate. He couldn’t tell what they looked like as their head hung low. As he walked closer and closer, something about that figure felt familiar. Then, he realised the person wasn’t squatting like he thought, they were kneeling on the ground with their hands flat against the pavement. It was as if they wanted to stand up but couldn’t.

“Xiao…Yu?” QiYao tentatively called out as he came to a stop before the figure. The tiny bit of the other’s face that QiYao could see looked very much like XiaoYu.

The person’s head jolted up to look at QiYao. It really was XiaoYu. That cat-like face looked exactly like his avatar in-game.

XiaoYu could instantly tell this tall stranger was QiYao. While the other’s face was slightly different from his avatar’s, it was clear QiYao had just adjusted his facial stats until he looked a bit more average. In real life, QiYao’s features were much more distinct. He looked so much more handsome and perfect. Not only would women swoon at the sight of that face, but even men would be attracted to it.

QiYao was already here. The other had just witnessed XiaoYu at one of his lowest moments. XiaoYu panicked even harder. He tried standing up once more, but his useless legs had yet to regain their strength. A slight shift to the side and XiaoYu was slipping down with gravity once more.

Fortunately, QiYao reacted in time. The other stretched out an arm to catch the falling XiaoYu, preventing him from kissing the floor again.

“I’m sorry. I can’t stand right now.” XiaoYu gave up. The other man had seen everything.

“It’s fine. Hold this.” QiYao handed the bag he was holding to XiaoYu.

“Whoa!” The moment XiaoYu accepted the object being handed over, the world spun before his eyes. Instinctively, he threw his arms around QiYao.

By the time XiaoYu realised what had gone on, that QiYao merely lifted him up into a carry, his arms were locked tight around QiYao’s neck.

“Hehe. Be careful of the cake, XiaoYu.” It came from the best bakery in the city. QiYao specifically detoured over to buy one prior to arriving at XiaoYu’s place. Of course, it was a very expensive cake. The thought put behind the recipe and the quality of its ingredients ensured that. Everyone was in a love-hate relationship with the bakery because of that.

Out of habit, QiYao pecked the stunned XiaoYu on the lips. No hesitation or strange unfamiliarity born from them being in reality now. As for XiaoYu, his whole face and neck flushed red from that small peck. It felt so much more real. He could feel a tiny spark course through his whole body. The numbing sensation born from the act made XiaoYu shrink a little in embarrassment. He should just bury his face in QiYao’s chest like a shy tortoise.

“XiaoYu, if you don’t open the door, I can’t head in,” QiYao coaxed with a smile on his face at XiaoYu’s tiny act of embarrassment. After much teasing, XiaoYu had finally stopped turning into a tomato at the slightest hint of affection. QiYao didn’t think he’d be able to witness that cute XiaoYu again in real life.

It was only at QiYao’s words did XiaoYu remember they were both still standing right by the street in broad daylight. While he didn’t interact with his neighbours much, it would be awkward if anyone saw them. XiaoYu hurriedly poke  his head back out and pressed in the code to the door.

Past the gate and threshold laid XiaoYu’s living room.

“Thank you, Yao. You can put me down now.” The sight of his living room filled XiaoYu with a renewed sense of security.  His limp legs quickly recovered their energy.

“Are you sure you’re fine?”

“Mn.”

QiYao slowly lowered XiaoYu down on the floor. He only let go when he confirmed with his own eyes XiaoYu’s legs were firmly placed on the floor.

“Sit down, Yao. I’ll go make some tea.” XiaoYu pulled QiYao over to the sofa before heading into the kitchen with the cake.

The living room was rather roomy, and it wasn’t as messy as XiaoYu said. The knick-knacks on the coffee table had been tidied up. There were only two soft and fluffy pillows on the sofa.

QiYao sat down and watch as XiaoYu flitted around the kitchen. Suspicion flashed through his eyes. He thought he sort of knew why XiaoYu can’t go out. It was because he had some mobility issues. But from how XiaoYu was walking about at ease now, that hypothesis turned out wrong.

Soon, XiaoYu was walking back with two plates of cake and two cups of tea.

“I only have pre-packed red tea. Is that okay?”

“Yes.” QiYao pulled XiaoYu down by his side. “XiaoYu, did you twist your ankle on the way down? Were you hurt?”

“I’m fine.”

“Hm? Then, did you get a leg cramp?”

“No…It’s nothing now.” XiaoYu didn’t know how to tell QiYao about his problem. He can’t start talking about the cruel reality of his life from the first meeting.

QiYao stopped pressing when he saw XiaoYu finding it difficult to talk about his legs. However, perhaps his initial guess wasn’t completely wrong.

“As long as you’re fine now. You look exactly like your avatar, XiaoYu. You really didn’t tweak anything,” QiYao said, changing the topic. He found it weird the last time he heard XiaoYu talk to his old classmate. In this day and age, someone would actually jump into a VR game without tweaking their avatars? Impossible. But it seems like such a “lazy” child really did exist and that child was right before his eyes.

“Yeah. Lazy.” XiaoYu didn’t beat around the bush at all.

“Hehe. Then, can you recognise me?”

“Yeah. You…tweaked them down?” QiYao’s face was different, but not to the point of unrecognisable. Things like a person’s air, how they held themselves, these weren’t something mere coding could change. Thus, XiaoYu could tell this man was Hei QiYao at first glance.

“Yup, it’d be troublesome otherwise.” Even when QiYao’s face was tweaked lower to the average man’s face, he still attracted quite a lot of troublesome attentions. “XiaoYu, can I take that as a compliment?”

“Yes.” QiYao in real life was certainly much more handsome than his virtual counterpart.

“Then…are you attracted to me?”

“…>//< Yes,” XiaoYu shyly answered. It was such a direct question. Still, he replied honestly.

“Hehe. Let me give the sincere child his reward then,” QiYao said as he leaned down and kissing XiaoYu’s lips.

The afternoon rays gently bathed the kissing couple in tranquil warmth, creating a most magnificent sight to behold.

Translator’s Note:

Due to personal life stuff, I’ll be moving the approximate time for updates to Monday instead of Fridays. If this works, a proper update schedule will be in place.

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