142. Don’t Want Your Sacrifice
It was Wednesday, another day when Doctor Zhou would be visiting YiHan and checking in on him. The two men sat and chatted for hours in YiHan’s room by themselves. Talking with the therapist was extremely relaxing for YiHan. Combined with the “intense exercise” from last night, YiHan couldn’t resist falling asleep during their session.
When Dr Zhou left the room, he softly closed the door behind him and told the man waiting outside, “He’s asleep.”
JingYuan poked his head into the room to check on his lover. The younger man was curled up on the couch covered by a thin blanket. Dr Zhou must’ve covered him up when the man noticed he was asleep. Worried that YiHan would wake up with a crick in his neck, JingYuan padded into the room, scooped the sleeping man into his arms and shifted the man to the bed. JingYuan tucked YiHan in and quietly left the room.
YiHan wasn’t deep asleep then. When JingYuan moved him over to the bed, he’d started to wake up. However, he’d just woken up and wasn’t willing to open his eyes. He rested his eyes for a few moments. It was only when he heard the soft click of a door closing, a sound so soft that it wouldn’t have disturbed someone fast asleep, did YiHan open his eyes. With eyes curved into slits, YiHan softly chuckled.
JingYuan had grown into a tall and strong man. He’d also grown to be a stern-looking man over the past few years. Everyone said Mu JingYuan was a secretive and cold man, just like a rock. But when he was with YiHan, a special kind of warmth would exude from the older man. It didn’t show up in grand passionate gestures but in the tiny details in their daily lives. It was the type of adoration that made YiHan feel cosy and safe. He couldn’t imagine what his life would be like if he ever lost JingYuan.
YiHan laid on the bed for a while longer. He couldn’t fall back to sleep so he left the bed, planning on looking for JingYuan. To his surprise when he opened the door, no one was around. The hallway was as quiet as can be and his mother wasn’t watching her shows in the living room. Even Aunt Yang was nowhere to be seen. Just where had everyone gone?
YiHan searched the whole house for his family. No one was to be found. How very queer. Usually, when he took a nap, JingYuan would be in the house, if not standing guard outside of his door. Just where was he today? Hmph! How dare the man run off all alone while he was asleep. There’ll be a punishment waiting for him once YiHan finds him!
Whatever. He’d rather head back to his room and play some video games. There was no way Mu JingYuan, the man with the clingiest nature ever, would abandon him to head into the office by himself!
YiHan grit his teeth and fumed as he headed back to his room. As he passed by his father’s study, he heard sounds coming from within. So that’s where JingYuan was! He’d found the man! Hah!
YiHan walked closer to the study room’s door to find that the door wasn’t properly closed. There was a tiny gap just big enough to allow someone in the hallway to hear what was going on inside. YiHan shuffled closer in the fuzzy slippers JingYuan had bought for him. The carpet absorbed any sounds his feet made. No one in the study noticed his presence. He was going to push open the door to give the people inside a scare when he heard Dr Zhou’s voice. The man should’ve left by now.
“Little Master’s condition has improved significantly,” said Dr Zhou. “His emotions are now stable and he’s no longer showing any desire for self-harm or suicide. He’s recovered very fast, so fast that I’m in shock. In all my years in this field, I’ve attended to countless similar patients but this is the first time I’d seen such rapid improvement. His family’s support and cooperation definitely played a major role in this. From that, I can say Little Master Bai is a very lucky, very happy young man.”
YiHan was stunned. Was he ill? Why didn’t he understand what the doctor was saying? Wasn’t Dr Zhou hired because his family was worried the kidnapping would traumatise him? YiHan didn’t think it necessary then but he’d been very cooperative for his family’s sake. Dr Zhou himself even said YiHan was a healthy young man. The therapy sessions were just for show, something to soothe his family’s worries. However, why was the doctor telling his parents YiHan was sick? Was Dr Zhou trying to scam YiHan’s parents?
YiHan’s urge to burst into the reignited and he was about to barge in and expose this scammer for who he was when JingYuan’s voice spoke up, glee audible in the man’s voice.
“You mean his suicidal tendencies are completely gone, doctor?” asked JingYuan. “He’s recovered this quickly?”
YiHan: You fool! You really believed him? I’ve never been suicidal! Hope! Let’s see how this conman will reply!
“We can’t say it’s completely vanished,” Dr Zhou said, not an ounce of anxiety in his voice, “because this depends on Little Master Bai’s mood. If he can maintain his current state of mind though, there should be no issues. He’d fully recover sooner or later.”
“That’s great!” Ma cried out in joy. “I’ve been worrying my heart out every day. I was so afraid that I’d say something wrong, something that’d make him overthink.”
“That’s because you’re too anxious,” said FuRen. “It should’ve been fine just to act as you’ve always acted. It’s easier for him to think too deeply into your actions if you appear too nervous.”
“Mr Bai is right,” said Dr Zhou. “We must act natural at all times.”
“So does his recovery mean he doesn’t need someone by his side twenty-four seven?” Ma asked. “He has no privacy or personal space now and it’s distracting JingYuan from his work.”
“Yes, there’s no need,” replied Dr Zhou. “As he is now, you can give him an appropriate amount of personal space. It won’t make his thoughts run wild.”
Ma let out a sigh of relief and said, “JingYuan, you don’t need to bring him with you to work from now on. You can also relax a little.”
“Aunt,” JingYuan said, “I don’t find bringing YiHan into the office troublesome at all. He behaved well and never distracted me from my work.”
“I know you love to dote on him,” Ma warmly said, “but you have your work to do. You need your own space. We had no choice before. He wasn’t in a good place and only you could calm him down. We had to have you be with him at all times. Now that he’ll be all better soon and the doctor said it’s fine, you don’t need to tire yourself out.”
JingYuan had yet to reply when Dr Zhou spoke, “Actually, the Little Master’s condition has been an extremely valuable experience for me. Allowing the patient to obtain love as a way to soothe their volatile emotions. This is a very effective method. I believe, with the Little Master’s experience as an example, many more lives can be saved. Little Master is recovering all thanks to having such open-minded parents and caring friends. Only then could he have improved so much.”
“Yes,” Ma said. “This is all thanks to JingYuan. He made such a great sacrifice for HanHan. Not only did he give up on his engagement with XueQing, he even agreed to date HanHan for a while to calm our son down. HanHan’s all better now. We just don’t know how to thank him or to repay him.”
“Indeed,” said Dr Zhou. “Such a great friendship is admirable. Rarely can anyone make such a sacrifice for someone else, not even blood-related brothers would do so. But don’t worry. With the Little Master’s recovery rate, I believe Mr Mu can soon return to a normal life.”
YiHan’s eyes were as wide as plates. Tears streaked down his cheeks. When he heard the words “Mr Mu can soon return to a normal life”, he couldn’t help but clasp his hands over his ears and dash away from the door, as if he was running away from the gates of hell.
Within the room behind the door YiHan had just left, JingYuan continued, “Uncle, Aunt, I must come clean with you. I’m not pretending to be dating HanHan. I didn’t sacrifice anything either. I truly love him. I crave for the chance to marry him. I hope you can forgive and understand me.”
YiHan’s head was buzzing. His mind was overwhelmed by the echoes of what he’d overheard.
“JingYuan made such a great sacrifice for HanHan.”
“He gave up on his engagement with XueQing.”
“He even agreed to date HanHan for a while to calm our son down.”
“Such a great friendship is admirable. Rarely can anyone make such a sacrifice for someone else, not even blood-related brothers would do so.”
“The Little Master’s condition has been an extremely valuable experience for me. Allowing the patient to obtain love as a way to soothe their volatile emotions. This is a very effective method.”
“Mr Mu can soon return to a normal life.”
“Little Master is recovering all thanks to having such open-minded parents and caring friends. Only then could he have improved so much.”
“He’s no longer showing any desire for self-harm or suicide.”
“Little Master Bai is a very lucky, very happy young man.”
Yes, I’m very lucky. They did all this for me. I have so many people in my life who cared for me, who would do anything for me. So why does it hurt so much?
YiHan couldn’t tell left from right anymore. All he knew was that he had to stumble onward and forward. Thankfully, years of habit brought him back to his room. Surrounded by the room he’d lived in for most of his life, he finally gave in to his emotions. He slid down against the door and slumped on the floor. He wanted to cry out loud but he had no reason to. Everyone was doing this for him. Even if it was just a lie, they only lied out of kindness and for the sake of his life. Everyone was lying to him because he was sick. Right. He’d attempted suicide before. That incident must’ve terrified his beloved family. That’s why all those events happened. His mother would be so cautious when speaking to him. JingYuan and XueQing gave up on their engagement for him. JingYuan’s actually straight, right? He was forced to be with a man just because of him…
Everyone had made great sacrifices for his sake, so what did he have to be miserable about?
As expected, his existence was the bane of his family. Everything looked perfect but it was all just a facade his family created, all for his puny life!
YiHan clasped his hands over his mouth as he gave a pained and silent roar, a roar that would be echoed by a trapped animal. His face was covered in tears a few moments ago. Now, his eyes were dry. Not a tear was to be seen.
So JingYuan didn’t really love him. Dating him was just a “big sacrifice” he had to make for YiHan’s health. How laughable. YiHan even joyfully exclaimed to JingYuan how lucky he was that the one he loved was someone who loved him back, that he was the happiest man in the world. He didn’t think that his happiness and luck would all come from a “sacrifice” his beloved made. His joy was built upon the suffering of the one he loved.
All that affection, those tender moments of care, was it all because JingYuan thought of YiHan “closer than his own brother”? Did all those nights of passion merely occur because of…pity? Was JingYuan’s insistence of being close to YiHan at all times, that “clingy” aspect of JingYuan, was it all not born out of love? Was it all because he was a mentally unstable individual, someone sick who required soothing at any time of the day? Was JingYuan exhausted of bringing YiHan with him everywhere he went? Was he frustrated by the lack of personal space? He must be.
However, YiHan didn’t want these “sacrifices”! YiHan didn’t have any hope of being with JingYuan anyway. He only wanted to silently compensate his family, compensate JingYuan, for the past. He wanted to relive his life in peace.
JingYuan, I don’t want your “sacrifice”. Please?