18. Not to be His Obstacle
If YiHan started saving now, he could make it. But time waits for no one. He’s afraid by the time he saved enough, all property would be split up and devoured already.
He laid down on his bed. Maybe he should borrow some from his mother, brother and sister. He’d try and get as much as he could. And JingYuan could also lend him some…
Forget about it. YiHan had yet decided on how he should face JingYuan. Soon, JingYuan will announce his engagement with YiHan’s sister. He’d best avoid interacting with JingYuan as much as possible.
Bai YiHan sprawled on his bed like salted fish waiting to be dried. He closed his eyes and recalled the last time he met Mu JingYuan in his last life.
That time, he’d finally understood his emotions for JingYuan had long since been sown deep into his heart. However, their relationship was already broken beyond repair and he’d been so spoiled that he didn’t understand who he really was. He wanted to repair his relationship with JingYuan, fight for a chance to be with him, yet was unable to put away his ego and could only think up an evil plan. He’d pretend to be drunk and confessed to JingYuan with his arms around the other’s neck. “Let’s get together. I quite like you.”
YiHan still remembered the nervous drumbeat of his heart and how laughably secure he was in his actions. Since they were young children, JingYuan had always been doting and spoiling him. He thought JingYuan must’ve had feelings for him. But what were JingYuan’s reactions then?
YiHan laughed mockingly at himself. He’d memorised that single moment. Every one of JingYuan’s expressions. Every one of his words. JingYuan stared down at him with eyes hiding an endless void of disappointment. He spoke with his unique deep bass voice, “Bai YiHan. You really disappoint me. Emotions are not a game. They’re not for you to play with, and not for you to use as tools.”
Heh. Was YiHan already considered helpless in JingYuan’s eyes? True. Now that he looked back at how he was back then, he really wanted to slap himself. It’s rare enough that JingYuan had held it in and not just beat him up then and there.
Back then, he’s maintained his laughable pride. His embarrassment turned into anger. “Scram! Get out! I never want to see you again!” he shouted.
And then? Then, JingYuan really left. He went overseas to his branch office, and never came back again. Just as YiHan said, he never saw him again even when he died.
It’s meant to be too, now that he thought about it. The one JingYuan loved was YiHan’s sister. YiHan’s nonsensical behaviour destroyed his future marriage. As a male, he then shamelessly ran to recommend himself to JingYuan. JingYuan, as a straight man, was probably so disgusted he was about to puke, wasn’t he? No wonder he rushed out of the country as if he was on fire and never came back again.
YiHan couldn’t help but wonder. In his last life, when JingYuan knew of his death many years later, how would he react? Would he be upset? Happy? Or would he let out a sigh of relief?
He should’ve let out a sigh of relief, right? If he knew of what a miserable and cruel death YiHan had, would JingYuan felt like he’d vented his disgust? Would he come back and marry XueQing? Without YiHan as an obstacle, if they married, they’d be happy, right? And with JingYuan, YiHan’s family would be able to rise again. After all, his family’s cursed luck was all because of him. With his death, everything would be alright.
YiHan hoped it was so. He didn’t know if he really did travel back in time or if he travelled into a parallel dimension that looked exactly the same. No matter what, he wouldn’t be JingYuan’s obstacle to love again.
For JingYuan. For his sister. This whole life, YiHan must maintain his distance from JingYuan. He can’t make any other move to create more troubles for his sister and JingYuan. It’d be for the best if he could move out and live alone. That way, he wouldn’t affect his family anymore.
YiHan turned on the bed and stretched his limbs out until there was a starfish lying on the bed. He broodily thought: Why was he reborn? It was clear that without him, everything would be alright. So, why send him back? Why not just make him disappear? He’s so stupid. He’s useless even when he came back. He finally thought of a way to earn money, but it couldn’t be realised. He’s just so useless.
Ah~ So infuriating. His hands wandered up and scrunched his soft hair into a chicken’s nest. Resigned, YiHan showered and slept.