3. Cannot be Seen
When XueQing and JingYuan were together, YiHan had a girlfriend himself as well. Her name was Tao Qi. She was a pure and friendly girl. After her bold and blushing confession, YiHan agreed as he didn’t want to hurt such a sweet girl and was quite curious about it. However, after a period of dating her, he realised in horror that he only admired girls and did not desire them at all. Instead, the tiniest patch of exposed skin on Mu JingYuan’s collarbone would fill his minds with fantasies. He felt that it couldn’t be normal and looked into it. From then, he knew he was what they call a homosexual. The first time he realised he had a different sexuality to the others, he panicked.
He broke up with Tao Qi and subconsciously sought help from the person he was closest to – Mu JingYuan. It was only then he realised JingYuan had somehow gotten close to his sister. YiHan was spoiled from young. His temper became reckless and bold due to that. He’d never consider others’ feelings when acting. When he saw JingYuan and his sister being close, his heart was filled with rage. He felt like he’d been betrayed.
He only knew he was angry and sad, yet he didn’t understand that feeling. He didn’t know that that was called jealousy. JingYuan was always special in his heart, far more than anyone else. He depended on and trusted JingYuan. Through a long period of under JingYuan’s wing, he had already become an irreplaceable part of YiHan’s life. It was only because YiHan was oblivious and slow that he didn’t recognise it then.
At that moment, YiHan felt threatened in a way he had never been before. Mu JingYuan who he had thought would treat him well forever was not his anything. JingYuan will marry and have kids. A woman will replace YiHan’s spot in JingYuan’s life and be loved and protected. And that woman could very well be YiHan’s own sister.
It was as if YiHan’s territory was being encroached on. His entire being felt like it was a raging young lion. But he didn’t know how to handle it. He could only exhibit his rage by being aggravatingly aggressive. This wore out JingYuan’s tolerance and the two started their very first cold war.
But this war of theirs didn’t stop JingYuan and XueQing’s affections. Soon, they announced their engagement. And at this very moment, where YiHan’s hiding around the corner, should be during the time after his cold war with JingYuan and before JingYuan and his sister announced their engagement.
YiHan remembered being frustrated and temperamental every single day. He vented out his emotions on his beloved family. When the two announced their engagement, YiHan became more furious. He mocked and insulted JingYuan constantly and never acted polite or nice to his family again. He pushed those who loved him further and further away. To the outside world, he became violent. He’d beat others up whenever things didn’t go his way and would always clash with them. Every time, his brother or JingYuan would have to rush in and smooth things over for him.
The troubles he caused everyday finally stopped JingYuan’s engagement with his sister, but he ended up forcing JingYuan away as well. His relationship with XueQing became awkward too. But he had been doted on growing up. Used to being tolerated, loved and protected, he thought nothing of it.
Bai YiHan rubbed at his eyes. Closing his eyes, he carefully caressed the perfect fingers on his left hand with his right.
Sister and JingYuan love each other. In his last life, he actually stopped their wedding and split them up for his own selfish wants. The two of them were in pain and he himself attained no joy from it. He ended up alienating them.
This time, he’ll be good and obedient. He’ll quietly congratulate his sister and Mu JingYuan. JingYuan is straight and the one he loves is his sister. JingYuan’s love for him, could it be all because JingYuan loved his sister in the first place?
At that thought, YiHan’s heart throbbed in agony. He clutched his chest and shut his eyes. Let it be so then. How could a horrible person as stupid and dirty as he was even hope to be with JingYuan? JingYuan should be his brother-in-law.
Let these filthy thoughts of his be forever buried deep within his heart and never to be seen again. Everyone would be happy then. How nice.