24. What Went Wrong?
Mu JingYuan frowned. “No matter how capable you are, you are still a girl. It’s not good to drink so much. Go home. Don’t make HanHan worry,” he said.
Bai XueQing smiled and said, “Is this the first day you’ve known me? You know how much alcohol I can handle, right? You know my personality, right? I’m already here. Do you think I’d let you drink and brood alone?”
“You’re the Miss. Whatever you say,” JingYuan replied in a helpless tone.
“That’s more like it,” XueQing said.
The two made idle chatter as they drank. Slowly, things began to go hazy. XueQing was alright, but JingYuan was drowning his guts in alcohol. He was rather tipsy.
Half sprawled out on the sofa, he covered his eyes with one arm. The rare tinge of weakness leaked through his face.
XueQing blinked and asked again, “JingYuan, ever since I can remember, there’s almost nothing you can’t do. Just what made you so upset?”
JingYuan moved his arm away and blinked back at her. “Something that can’t be resolved,” he replied with a bitter smile.
“This isn’t like you. There’s nothing in this world that can’t be resolved. I want to hear just what has made you utter such an extreme statement,” XueQing said in disagreement.
He closed his eyes. Suddenly, he sat straight up. His two eyes stared straight into XueQing’s eyes. “You really want to know?” he asked.
She gave a firm nod without hesitation.
JingYuan laid back then and let out a heavy sigh. “I’ve fallen in love with someone. Someone whom I can never obtain in this life.”
XueQing’s heart sank. “With your status and intelligence, who can you not have if you really like them so?” she asked.
“You don’t get it. Emotions and love are not things that can be obtained through status and tricks. Anyway, they don’t even like me. They only think of me as his big brother. No, I don’t even know what they think of me now,” JingYuan replied with another bitter chuckle.
“If that’s the case, then why persist and make yourself suffer? Why not let go and look at others?” she asked.
JingYuan sighed again. “XueQing, you’ve never experienced true love. You wouldn’t understand. Love is not something that can be forgotten just because I say so. It’s because I can’t that I’m suffering in agony,” he said.
“If you can’t let go, then go snatch what you want,” XueQing said with a frown.
“If only it were that easy. They’re not a thing. They’re a living human being,” replied he.
“So what? Whether it’s a human or an object, they’re only yours if they’re in your hands,” she said.
“Your words really suit your personality. You’ll get it once this day arrives for you. Emotions make people weak. If you really like them, how can you bear to hurt them? To make them unhappy?” he softly laughed.
XueQing was getting impatient. “This won’t do. That won’t do. Then how?” she said.
“That’s why it’s an unsolvable problem,” JingYuan said.
He laid his arm over his eyes again. “I’ve kept watch over them for so many years, doted on them for so long. Decided to never do anything that’ll harm them. I thought, they’re still young. I’ll wait for them to grow up. But they’ve grown up and I’ve realised they don’t belong to me anymore. I’m not so foolish as to wish I can be with them. I just want to be able to keep watch over them my whole life, just as always. Only I don’t think they’d give me that chance. I really don’t know what went wrong. They won’t see me. They won’t even chat amicably with me. Just what can I do so I can stay by their side?” he sighed.
This forbidden and bleak emotion has been hiding in his heart for far too long. Like a mountain looming on top of him, he couldn’t even breathe. Now that he’d said it all out loud in a drunken haze, he felt much more comfortable.